Life is a matter of perspective. Of course, there’s more to life than perspective but how something is viewed can determine much about it.
Let’s take the Thames, for example. While running alongside it three times per week, if rain permits, I find the air coming off it energising. It beats the stuffy air of a gym any dry day, and certainly that of running along a road, where there are cars and so on. It edges out running in a park just slightly, only because I have to go quite a distance to get to the park when all I need to do is go a few yards to reach the Thames nowadays.
But let me be clear, I don’t find it appealing. Sure the buildings around it catch my eye, some of them more than others, but the water itself is rather murky. Sometimes while stretching, I stare at it and am able to see beyond its obscurity, but for the most part, it is dim water to me.
A change of perspective, however, got me seeing a much more attractive river, one where boats can sail smoothly, well on certain days, where the water can flow and shimmer, even under cloudy skies. Friday I decided to take the River Bus instead of a taxi to Embankment and walk from there to Covent Garden to meet Paul for dinner and theatre.
So glad I did. For starters the ride took my focus off the problems of the world and got me concentrating on life on and alongside the river. As much as I’ve seen The Church of St Mary, it was picture pretty from the Thames and the Albert Bridge was even more impressive than when running or walking on it.
The Thames Under CloudThe Albert Bridge Up Close
You see it is all about perspective. Now to put perspective to the test with real life experiences! With the uncertainty of Britain since Friday’s decision to leave the EU and the upcoming presidential elections in November, I’ll have plenty of opportunities to look at life from a different perspective. I might need to stand on my head to catch a fresh glimpse of these two world events but hey, it’s a different perspective.
1) Go for a run alone, walk, do whatever you do, just get active. That’s what I did this morning, I went running after Britain voted to leave the EU. And as my mind was thinking, trying to understand the seismic shift that was made overnight seemingly, I didn’t feel any ways tired. Quite different from what I felt sitting on my bed staring at the talking heads on the television.
An American expat, who doesn’t have an official say in elections here, I had a lot riding on the decision, like all decisions made here, and in the US, too, where I do have a say. But sometimes just getting used to the thoughts in your own head before going head on into a debate or a drawn out commiseration with others informs a healthier discussion, a healthier you.
2) Accept the change. Acceptance of a change is not the same as embracing or supporting it, it is more about coming to terms. What does it really mean? Some broadcasters referred to the decision as a divorce from Europe. Well, unless you can over turn a divorce, and you probably wouldn’t want to, best to accept it to avoid a long drawn out disaster? And figure out what it really means and how to reinvent.
Of course, on a national level the consequences of the Brexit decision will unfold, but what does it mean today? Also, on a personal level, what does it mean now? Whether jubilant or disillusioned or somewhere in between, don’t rush to judgment or operate in fear of the future. Take it one day at a time and use acceptance to steer your course.
3) Take responsibility. Responsibility comes with winning. Now what? Someone has to steer the course and let’s pray the winners have a plan and a jolly good one. But responsibility comes with losing, too. Sore losers storm off, take their ball and go home. My goodness that is the last thing we ought to do right now. Otherwise, the winners take all, not only the important decision, but heart and soul, too. But let me be clear, I support David Cameron’s decision to pass the baton, which doesn’t mean quitting if you ask me, but it means accepting reality. It’s a game, if you will, that he did not win so how can he possibly coach the next round. Surely, there is someone more suitable for that.
In the meantime, he can take responsibility for the country now and keep it stable! Who can argue with that? As for the rest of us, we could gain from getting on with business as usual, too, as best as we can.
4) That’s the next tip. Get on with business as usual. We can all do that. That’s partly why I went running. Surely, had I stayed stuck in front of the television, I’d still be there in shock. Yet, I am out and about minding my business.
In a personal kerfuffle, I remember getting on with business and a family member angrily saying how can you do that at a time like this. I remember thinking if I don’t, I’ll become stagnant, toxic and so on and more harmful than helpful to the cause we were fighting. To me, getting on with it is a bit like acceptance, not supporting or going with the crowd, but continuing to do the right thing, even under a dark cloud. Of course, watch the market (s) and so on but people stall things and people, by George, start them too.
5) And finally, about that debate, that commiseration, relate to somebody. If you are like me, you work alone. And at times such as these, working alone can be lonely. After checking out what’s on social media, phone a friend and go for a coffee. Can’t reach a friend, go for a coffee alone and make new ones. Just relate! Umm, great thought. I think it is time for a break.
Readiness is important in many major areas of life: ready for university, ready for marriage, ready for parenthood, and sometimes after a long absence, we need to be ready to do something vital again such as work.
For weeks now, I have not written anything comprehensible, haven’t worked. I am sure this hinges on the loss of my mother. Though I have had much to say, I haven’t had the wherewithal to say it in writing. Let’s face it. Daunted by grief, I quit working for nearly three months.
This is not to brag about it. Nor is it something that I am particularly proud of. On the contrary, I would like to pretend it hasn’t happened. But it has and all things that happen out of order, my silence as a writer, deserve an explanation.
Otherwise, such practices sneak their way into the norm, though I do understand that it is normal to grieve. And that there is no set time when we should get back to work, back to life as we knew it before loss. Of course, the latter never happens since with loss, life changes and often drastically, depending on the degree of the loss. We find ourselves taking on new roles, living in unacquainted space, etc. I know I have, but that’s another blog.
In any case, most of us have a responsibility not only to ourselves, but also to our surviving loved ones to live after loss and often to the deceased one, too.
A friend pointed out that surely my mother wouldn’t want me to quit indefinitely. Spot on! When she lost her father to a tragic accident and then her mother to an illness, my mom felt broken hearted as I do now, but was able to maintain her commitments to family, church, community and work and so on.
On this note, it is fortunate for me that I am self-employed and have a fall back—my husband. Otherwise I am almost sure I would be out of job, not to mention what else I would be out of.
But writers, artists, the likes, do have a history of long absences; dry spells and so on, since the mind is our most valuable tool. And grief, at least for me, has been mind blowing. The tricks of the trade that helped me out of the dessert in the past have been futile —stepping away from the work, running, which normally satisfies my thirst, letting the work rest and going back to it and so on.
How about typing for inspiration?
This time, the quagmire, whatever you want to call it, was different. As I came to terms with this, I accepted my feelings as natural to the grieving process, although they felt (and still do) rather alien, as alien as death itself, though dying is a natural part of living, I said with a brave face to a dear friend the other day.
With heartfelt remorse, she replied, no it isn’t.
Of course we’re both right. Everyone has to die; there is no way around it. It is the natural end to life, however it comes about. But death is an evasive matter, one that plunges us into the depths of grief. Nothing about it feels natural. Nothing.
Yet, here I am, to some still early days yet, returning to work. To others, I am ever so late. Due to the nature of their work and the way they process grief, they’ve been back for ages, even if their hearts still ache.
But here is the thing that we likely have in common. To some degree, we return to work, do what we need to do, when we are ready. Ultimately it was such words that provided the incentive I needed to write again, coupled with a take away from my church’s Bible in One Year subscription.
In Luke 19: 11-14, Jesus tells The Parable of the Ten Minas, in which a man of noble birth called ten of his servants and gave them a mina each before he left on a journey. When he returned, it was the one who turned the one into ten that received the highest of blessings, precisely because he made good use of his resource.
To paraphrase our vicar, Nicky Gumbel, we are not only supposed to use our money, but also all the gifts God has given us. That means the gift of writing, too.
Hence, I am ready and I hope you are too. Visit sonjalewis.com or sonjalewis.com for weekly blogs on life, on lifestyle, on London, and other relevant topics. See you next week.
Off to a slow start this year? Me too. When my alarm sounded at seven this morning, I thought it was a mistake, surely. Only when I realised that Paul had been up for a while yet was I convinced that someone had not played a first Monday in January practical joke on me.
Even so, I kept my space, feeling comatose for another thirty minutes, okay nearly an hour, contemplating what to do next—roll over and go back to sleep, pray and meditate on life in general or get up and go for a run. In the end, I settled for a combination of the latter two and thank goodness I did. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting at my desk, beavering away.
For a while now my mantra of sorts, which has kept me moving, is to just do it, whatever it is because I can. Sadly, there are people who want to run, to walk, to write, etc., who can’t.
With that said, already, I have done some serious reflecting on 2015. More went wrong and less went right. Never mind that I didn’t promote my books at all, didn’t even begin the Jana Project, working title for an effort to help girls ages 8 to 12 stay in tip-top shape in their in between years and enjoy doing so, and that I dropped more blogs on my website than I care to admit, I am going to focus on what went right. I delivered more on the Huff Post than I dropped, and also, I introduce the game: What City Is This, even if it did fizzle out after a hyped couple of days.
Not bad, not really. Okay, it wasn’t my best performance. But that’s all behind me now, doors closed. In front of me, however, are alluring doors that mostly have not been opened. Even though some are slightly ajar.
It is up to me to make some projections of sorts, starting today, and then walk or run through those attractive doors, even if I move a bit slowly like I did this morning. Then, a young woman, sauntering took a short cut apparently and came out just before me at the main road/path. So ashamed, I had no choice but to dig deep and shoot past her.
There, though several runners, some of them pros of sorts, others novices, left me behind, I felt better for making an effort because I could. That’s it: off now to make some more projections and get on with delivering them, all because I can.
Such fun anticipating a can do year and wishing you one, too. Happy New Year!
We all need relationships, whether they are familiar or romantic. Without them, we feel unhappy and unhealthy. But even with them, specifically when they go wrong, we can feel deprived of a basic need, not to mention when a relationship breaks down altogether.
In my most recent Huff Post blog, I explore the question: Why Relationships Break Down, looking more at familiar relations. Of course, there are a number of reasons that parents and children stop speaking and so on. But could there be something at the crux of such fall outs, something as simple or as complicated as definition or lack thereof?
Friday’s terrorists attacks in Paris painfully remind us of how vulnerable we all are, how fragile life is. On this note, today with bloggers, journalists, people around the world, I mourn the loss of the 129 people who died there and express grief for the many other lives that have been shattered, too.
Also, we mourn the loss of security, as we have known it as a free society, in this great city, at least for a while.
But as atrocities of the past have shaken us, have robbed us of liberties and caused us great pain, also they have connected and strengthened us in our darkest hours, so that we have overcome. So will this one.
As I watched the end of BBC Breakfast this morning, I was so very touched by the show of unanimity around the world, different world cities flying and displaying the tricolour, the French flag, on buildings, in the air, and so on.
Wistfully, I remembered some of my special moments in Paris, a city where people go to celebrate life, soak up youth, and quite frankly run free. Most recently, I was there on Mother’s Day, unable to be in the US, but outside of the Musée d’Orsay, a favourite hangout, I spoke to my mother, soaking up the Parisian atmosphere. How very special.
London calling from Paris to USA
A view of Montmartre
With friends at Parisian resturant
From a balcony in Paris
Memories are precious, for sure. And though intangible, they are safe and well as long as the human mind is so. To this comforting end, surely Paris will be safe and well again, soon and very soon. Until then, may the spirit of freedom reign, not only there but also in other notable world cities, too.
Some things are easier said than done, most of them have to do with kicking a bad habit, such as swearing, overeating, smoking or enabling. Yes enabling – contributing continuously to an unhealthy/dysfunctional situation in the name of love, religion, support, family secrecy, and so on.
Guilty as charged for enabling, that is. Never have I been guilty of any of the other vices – okay, so I might have indulged in at least one of them. Never mind.
Anyhow, since enabling can be as counterproductive as the addiction or dysfunction in question, it is time to toughen up and practise tough love. I know, I know. That’s easier said than done.
Read more in my September Huffington Post blog, Getting Tough On Enabling. And do have your say on the matter, too.
Even if I can’t remember the first book I read fully, I have enjoyed reading ever since I can remember. There is something about entering another space, if you will, and imagining, if only for the duration of a novel, for example, what it’s like to be in another person or persons shoes.
Granted some of the characters, particularly tragic ones, wear shoes that are a bit too tight. Still, all one has to do then is to turn the page and eventually the tightness loosens. There, everyone can breathe again.
Real life can be a bit like that too, all too often, which is why I advocate reading, not only as an escape route, but also as a good practice to keep the mind open to different ways of life, different perspectives, different options.
I write about this in my July Huffington Post blog: Reading Leads to Bigger Ponds.
You know what they say, ‘life doesn’t have to be a closed book.’
Who are they, anyhow? Never mind, why not open a book, a magazine and gain a different perspective.
As I write this blog, the present is fleeting, as it always is, fading into the past. Surely, there must be a way to pin it down, make it stay a bit longer. In theory, the answer is short and simple: take life day by day, one experience at a time.
In reality, however, it is far more complex and challenging and can sometimes become counter productive, particularly if trying becomes an obsession, causing the mind to revert to the past and/or project ahead to the future.
This month in my Huffington Post blog, I write about living in the present, particularly during a crisis, a difficult time, for an overall better experience.
Let’s face it: the past has its place and will not be ignored. And the future, a good one anyhow, cannot be attained without some form of preparation and planning. The key is to recognise each experience for what it is or rather when it is for a more precious encounter. Check out No Time Like The Presenthere and do feel free to join in the conversation on this website, on social media or on the Huff Post.
Eggs have been long associated with Easter. When I was a girl, I remember the excitement building up to the Easter egg hunt at our church in Southwest Georgia and the pleasure of at last participating in it and finding beautifully coloured eggs, some of them I had managed to colour personally alongside my mother, father and siblings.
Most folks in the Western world, Christian or not, will have Easter memories, be it of bonnets, baskets, eggs, new outfits, etc., if only because it has been long celebrated widely and officially as a holiday in some places.
Yes outfits… In some African American traditions, not only were there the Easter egg hunts but also there were new Easter outfits for both boys and girls to make the big day even more special, as we recited Easter speeches for special programmes at church. Not to mention the Easter baskets full of toys and candy eggs.
Admittedly, I’m too old for an Easter basket but just the right age for a new outfit. Thankfully, there’s still time to get that Easter dress after all. Why start breaking with tradition now. No point.
Here, however, at the mention of new frock at Easter, people are surprised, pleasantly I hope. While many of them are off to the continent or somewhere to soak up some sun as there is not much here, others are planning Easter feasts with family and friends at home or at a restaurant of choice.
After all they have four days to celebrate. Not only is Good Friday an official holiday but so is Easter Monday. That means lots of opportunities to make Easter memories for sure and eats lots of eggs, albeit chocolate ones.
I’ll have one of those thank you very much, but it has to be the dark chocolate ganache from La Maison du Chocolat, sold during the Easter period only, although this year they’ve mixed dark and milk chocolate, just about ruining it for me. Hence, one dark chocolate egg left. But chocolate is not what Easter is all about anyhow, is it?
Truly it is about rebirth and renewal and making ever so sweet memories with family and friends.
