Category: On Life

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A Good Story: Whose Is It Anyhow?

I love a good story–reading and hearing one and writing one, too. Hence, my vocation. Yet finding the right topic isn’t always the easiest of tasks and not because there isn’t enough to write about. I’d say it is quite the opposite.

Nowadays my own life is filled with enthralling stories, but the question I find myself facing more often than not is: Do I have the right to tell this story?

Most times I listen to my gut, my moral compass for a final call but admittedly, the answer is not always simple, not only from a professional point of view but also from a personal one, too.

Personal stories are entangled, the best and the worst of them. Thus, the dilemma: Whose Story Is it Anyhow? 

This month’s Huff Post blog looks at the question of story ownership from a broad view, if you will. Still, I would love to know your take on it. Do comment here or directly on the Huff Post.

 

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Thin Line Between Sanity and Insanity

There is thin line between sanity and insanity. Big statement, eh? But one worth investigating nowadays, as life personally and publicly gets more dramatic and stressful. More debates than ever are cropping up over the difference between moral and immoral, right thinking and wrong thinking and right and wrong.

Sometimes I don’t understand the negotiation – not really. In my world, though having a different opinion about evolution is one’s prerogative, but having a different opinion about whether to operate outside of any parameters, morals, laws is not debatable, is it? It is all unnecessarily stressful, if you ask me.

In a conversation with a friend recently, we wondered if there is a decline in healthy, transparent, living, if you will, or if in our ageing we are simply paying more attention to what has always been.

Regardless, it all leads back to the state of one’s mental and emotional well-being. Are we personally and publicly paying enough attention to mind matters, making way for healthier living. Do we understand that a healthy mind is the key to healthy living? And that leading a highly stressful life can lead to dire consequences?

In this month’s Huffington Post blog, I suggest that it is time to get educated on the matter and put our learning into action, starting at home, if you will. But not so fast; hardwired myths and stigmas are blocking the way. What can we do to clear the roadblocks?

See what I have to say about it on the Huff Post. In the meantime, here is a quote for thought.

‘The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.’ 

Rita Mae Brown, author and social activist

 

 

 

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A Quick 999 To Detox the Mind

Still early into the New Year, there is still much talk about detoxing the body, with very little said about ridding the mind of toxins, though I read a brilliant piece on the subject a week or so ago.

In the meantime, I got on with life, if you will, coping with day to day stresses of living in a major city—transportation strikes, road works, crowds all over the place, temperamental weather and so on–and took on some of the tips, until one afternoon after dealing with an intense family matter, I found myself in a toxic state that had risen overnight, seemingly.

It was more than a black cloud hanging over my head; it had shrouded me.

Anyhow, certainly, the situation hadn’t risen overnight. Such situations, if you will, rarely do. But with my head pounding intensely, I somehow knew that a painkiller would not do the trick, nor would the usual nap. The night before, I hadn’t slept much at all, for over thinking.

It was too late to refrain from caffeine, as in the lovely piece mentioned above, and with a major dental surgery coming up the next day, I needed a panacea and I needed it fast, so here is what I did:

1) Wrote it all down, sort of a dump, if you will, but I kept trying to edit and censor my thoughts. 

2) Thus, I called a trusted friend who would tell me the truth and not necessarily what I wanted to hear.  Note it wasn’t a rant or a finger pointing phone call but a call for a fresh perspective, even if I didn’t agree with it.

Though I felt better for the call, I couldn’t stop my mind from nattering and my head from hurting, so here is the biggie: 

3) I decided to shut off my computer, my Ipad, the mobile data on my phone and avoid the Internet for 24-hours. Making this decision brought a kind of sweeping relief!

Having done without all of my devices during a three-day retreat last year, I knew the benefits of letting them go.

4) I climbed into bed in the middle of the day, against the advice of many experts, and tried to settle my mind for a sleep. Of course, the nattering and needling refuse to subside.

5) So here is where my imagination came in to replace the chatter. First I counted backwards from 10 to 1. I have no idea why but it worked to focus the mind. After I got through this for a number of times, I allowed myself to think constructively about the matter. Which bits had solvable, practical solutions? I flagged them and committed to working on them later.

6) The rest, I let it go, if you will. That wasn’t easy I might add, as like many people, I subconsciously try to control the outcome of dilemmas. But the sooner I realised in the heat of the moment that being controlling was futile in this instance, and in most, the sooner I drifted off to sleep. 

That night, I continued with the moratorium on the Internet and after a few breathing exercising, I went off to sleep for a good night’s rest.

The next morning, I woke up ready for the surgery and as we drove through the financial district of London, aka the City, I quietly admired it. There, mind detoxed. But make no mistake about it; a short-term detox such as this acted more like a plaster than it did anything else.

It was not the panacea I had hoped for but let’s face it any body part can use a band-aid when bruised. The mind is no exception.

 

 

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Outdated Language Tackled in Short Story

While misuse of words and phrases as related to race can happen intentionally, it can also happen unintentionally, likely the case with our modern day Sherlock. Nevertheless, Benedict Cumberbatch’s faux pas opens the door to a topic that is often considered irrelevant nowadays.

Sadly, however, it is relevant, and often owing to ignorance, if nothing else, the word is used inappropriately. That is why it is so important to educate and get educated.

In my short story, ‘The Coloured Girl’, featured in The Seasons, Isabella Chiltern finds out that the word ‘coloured’ is a thing of the past when her son unexpectedly brings his new African American girlfriend to lunch. A subject that often puts us out of our comfort zone, even privately, is aired in a public restaurant in middle England, at least in The Seasons.

In real life, it is often squashed as a thing of the past, at least until it rather innocently rears its head. Heads up; it ‘s modern and relevant.

Adapted as Guess who is coming to lunch,  ‘The Coloured Girl’ was featured in Love Sunday,  the magazine of Sunday People, part of the Trinity Mirror Group, in November, 2014. The Seasons is available now on Amazon and other online bookstores.

 

 

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How Far Back Can You Remember?

Lost childhood memories are often thought of as those traumatic (bad) memories that are repressed, squashed for the mind’s sake.  But there are good childhood experiences, too, that are forgotten.

While many adults can trace an early, feel good memory, back to age three (I can, as written in my latest Huff Post blog), others have no recollection of their childhood, not really.  According to a 2014 Emory University research study, there is a good reason for this.

Freud might have been on to something about childhood amnesia but did he perhaps misunderstand what is behind it? The Emory study suggests it has more to do with the structure of the brain than anything else.

Read the entire story, Whatever Happens to Childhood Memories directly on the Huffington Post. In the meantime,  what is your earliest memory? Do tell, either here on on the Huff Post.

 

 

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Keeping It Light in the New Year

Imagine hoisting a rucksack over your shoulder and walking into the New Year with it, only it. Is it too heavy, too light or just right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it’s a few days late for such advice, but bear with, if you will.

Now sit at your favourite table, desk or on the floor in front of the fireplace, wherever you are most comfy and cosy, and sort through the items.

Umm, how did this get there and what about that? You don’t need them anymore, do you? In fact, you probably thought you got rid of this and that a long time ago. I know the feeling but we needn’t worry. It is never too late to dispense of the unwanted tangibles and intangibles, too. The latter often weigh more than the former.

I should know as a few years ago I had one frozen shoulder after another. Medically, it was chalked up to carrying too much physical weight but psychologically, I was likely carrying too much emotional weight, too.

Thus I am pleased to say that I left excess emotional baggage in 2014, even if I do have to remind myself now and again, and some physical weight too. On that note, just before Christmas I had a clearing of some coats, more needed by others than me, and some clothing and some shoes. And truly felt lighter for it.

So, let me see what is left in this rucksack that I really need.

 

  1. Wonderful, I see my Nike Fuel Band is here, despite the best advice from the Sunday Times Style magazine. So yesterday, they say. Never! For me, it is still very much today.
  1. Thank Goodness, my Cloud Nine hair straightener (curling iron) is here. Not that my cosmetologist approves of us amateurs brandishing any straighteners, but let’s face it, it is better to have one with heat controls than one without. Not having one is not an option, at least not for me.
  1. I am thrilled to see my Mac liquid eyeliner. I happened upon this jewel while getting my make-up done professionally last year and I’m hanging onto it for a while yet. The size of a big crayon, even a novice could handle it. Go figure!
  1. Oh no, my Stella McCartney round shaped blue sunglasses are not here. Okay, so they are truly yesterday, not because of style, but because of wonkiness. Happily, however, in the January sales I found similar ones from The Row. Long may the look last.
  1. So glad to see my Ipad 3 here, even if it is a bit on the heavy side. I still feel lighter for it.
  1. Thankfully, there is my Anya Hindmarch satchel. No wonder the rucksack was a bit heavy. But who needs a rucksack when they have this bag.

There, that’s about all the tangibles that I really need, save for a few odd bits here and there, but surely they’ll fit into the bag, too. As for the intangibles, that I am keeping, that is, they are fairly light, too. In other words they are wonderfully bright.

Oh, and Paul has reminded me that I brought him, too. After all, someone has to help me keep it light. Anyhow, my satchel feels just right now. Off to living well I go.

So, just what did you bring into the New Year, that is, that’s just right for you?

 

 

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Considering 2015 For The Sake Of Old Times

So what were you doing when 2015 arrived? Not surprisingly, many of us can answer this question without missing a beat, whether we were sleeping, partying or perhaps praying. After all, the coming of a New Year is a momentous occasion.

As for me, this year I gathered with a group of Happy Brits at a quaint hotel in England’s Peak District and as the clock struck midnight, we kept with tradition and joined hands and sang Auld Lang Syne. As I sang cheerfully, suddenly I got thinking about the song’s meaning. What does it all mean? Are we pledging something here and will we honour the pledge, even if we never see each other again? Thus, I turned to Paul and popped the question.

 ‘For old times sake,’ he answered, ‘in gist.’

What a relief that I hadn’t made a commitment to my new acquaintances but the singing had stoked memories of days gone by with old friends. How I longed to reach out to them, in that moment, to reminisce. So I attempted to whiz off a few, select text messages shortly after midnight. Normally, I send out many well wishes as I wish everyone well, but this year as I considered Auld Lang Syne, I was selective with a view to add special meaning.

Sadly, the mobile service was lousy so I had to send an email instead via a spotty Internet service and as such misspelled ald, so frustrated. Never mind. If you were a recipient of the my short Happy New Year’s wish, forgive my typo if you will, and accept my extension of good will, good health and so on for the New Year, for the sake of the cherished times we have shared together.

And for those special friends and family who didn’t get my message, blame it on technology. In the meantime, interestingly enough, I have sang the traditional Scottish song many times on New Year’s Eve and must have known that its author, the treasured Robert Burns, had not written exactly the world famous song that New Year’s celebrators sing today. Other Scottish poets before him and perhaps afterwards might have had a hand in it too – the debate goes on.

Still, Auld Lang Syne is unequivocally Scottish in its wording, its title in gist meaning ‘for the sake of old times’. And its meaning of remembrance and goodwill, whether sang at New Year’s, graduations and so on, has global notoriety. Check out the lyrics here.

So for old time sakes, I sincerely wish each and everyone a Happy New Year!

In the meantime, just what were you doing when the year’s changed hands? Post your messages here.

 

 

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Eight New Years Renewal Tips

Whether you are twenty something, fifty something or an age somewhere in between, your goals and aspirations are likely wide-awake about now, maybe even keeping you awake at night. Not surprisingly, another New Year is on the horizon.

Hence the hype around New Year’s resolutions: everybody should make some to ensure a good start to 2015, right? Not to mention all the things that should happen on New Year’s Day, including special foods to eat, etc. Wrong, I don’t buy into any of it, not really. But I do believe a New Year is a wonderful opportunity to refresh one’s life.

And in doing so, it doesn’t hurt to have a few pointers, not only handy around this time of year, but also any time the sense to renew presides. Here we go:

 

 

  • Don’t get caught up into what you should do. Each person is different when it comes to dealing with love, loss and life. There are great tips and practices for getting over a break-up, for example, and for losing weight, too. But there is no one size fits all formula. The key is to move on in the way that is best for you.
  • Stay in the moment. This means letting go of past hurts and pains. For example, if not having children causes upset, focus on what you do have. Otherwise, you’re trapped in the past.
  • Govern your thoughts. You will need to do so consistently, certainly, to enjoy a positive present. For example, if you’re holding a grudge, let it go. Otherwise, you become a victim or a prisoner. Both ways of being are irresponsible. Go ahead take responsibility.
  • Understand the difference between experiencing emotionality and feelings. According to some experts emotions are toxic. Here! Here! They are simply repressed feelings that have not been expressed. So the next time that you respond ever so emotionally to something, anything, recognise that there might be more than meets the eye. Experiencing true feelings, on the other hand, is safe to do so. You are able to express differences without a dark cloud hanging over the matter.
  • Re-learn to love yourself. Sounds easy but not necessarily so. Loving one’s self means taking gentle care, both physically and mentally. Often this means saying no to unhealthy relations, foods, etc. For example, if you feel unimportant a bit too often, rely on the love within. And once you tap into it, you will have a better chance at loving others healthily, too.
  • Give! This doesn’t necessarily mean writing out a check to a charity of your choice or anyone else for that matter. Not everyone can but most of us can give a smile, kind words, a helping hand or even a good attitude to family, friends, work colleagues, etc.
  • And learn to receive, too. Giving people are often the worst receivers and without knowing can make their givers feel rejected. Receiving is as much about acceptance as it is anything else. So this year when a friend or family member compliments you or gives you something, accept it, and accept them.
  • And lastly, be patient yet persistent. Once you begin to feel re-energised in different aspects of your life, remember that it takes practice to form patterns, ways of being. Take it one day at a time, even moment by moment, which is all any of us have anyhow.

Refreshing realistic, yeah! All there is to do now is to just do it – one experience at a time! Happy New Year to all!

 

 

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Breathing Through The Holidays Easily

Niagara Falls is breathtakingly beautiful, even when it is cloudy and a bit wet.  Refreshing, isn’t it.  In route to the US for Thanksgiving, Paul and I had the opportunity to stop off in Canada and visit with good friends and also see some of the natural beauty of the country, such as the Falls.

What a wonderful opportunity to slow down, somewhat, and catch  my breath, which got me thinking about the art of breathing, if you will. Although breathing comes naturally, thank goodness, too often we lose sight of how important it is to breathe slowly and deeply, which might require some skill, that is, if we have lost touch.

Without skill and practice, our breathing often goes on a high-speed treadmill with the rest of life, even more so during the festive season. Not to panic, however, I have just the thing for getting off the fast track and reconnecting with your breathe.

Check out my latest Huff Post blog, hot off the press, just in time to breathe through the holidays. Have a nice and easy Christmas and New Year, too.

 

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Short Story Featured in National Sunday Magazine

Story featured in Love Sunday
Story featured in Love Sunday

More good news for ‘moi’!  On Sunday, November 23rd, Love Sunday magazine ran an adaptation of ‘The Coloured Girl’, one of the eight short stories featured in The Seasons, my latest release.

Titled ‘Guess who’s coming to lunch’, the story unravels the thoughts and actions of high society English woman Isabel Chiltern, as she meets her only son’s new girlfriend, who just so happens to be African American. Surprise! Surprise!

A modern day twist on ‘Guess Who is Coming to Dinner’,  the piece can be read here in pdf format by clicking on the jpg to the left, and of course, the original can be read in The Seasons, available now on most online book stores.

Thanks to Internet shopping,  there is still time to purchase the collection in time for Christmas. Love Sunday is a part of Sunday People, a member of the Trinity Mirror Group.