Category: On Lifestyle

Blog/

Attributes for Exercising Your Rights

Since doing UIO’s fantastic podcast, On Girls’ Rights with Lindsey Turnbull, founder of Miss Heard Media, I’ve been thinking a lot of about what it takes to exercise our rights, if you will. Though girls have a right to grow-up without undue pressures, to reject objectification and sexism, the right to align with your true values and live intentionally now, it takes confidence, some self-love and great character strengths amongst a few attributes to do so.

Without confidence, for example, it is easy to get side-tracked, even at my age. Here I am in Cannes this week and the next and the next attempting to learn French at my ripe middle age. Argh! Sitting in the classroom with dynamic students from around the globe who are already having conversational French, it feels quite easy to slip into a dark space, lower my head and sneak out of the room at the first opportunity.

Thankfully, I have put on a brave face, dug deep for a little bit of confidence and hung in there, thus far. Though today, I nearly bolted when I learned that my beginners class, where everyone is world’s ahead of me anyhow, would be combined with Paul’s intermediate class, where people are having outright conversations.

No can do, I said in English. I will go next door and write my blog in English, thank you. As I prepared to leave, one of my classmates pointed out that it would be a wonderful opportunity to listen and someone else from Paul’s class spoke encouragingly to me.  Only then did I look to my character strength of perseverance.

I am a lot of things, but not a quitter, I reminded myself and so I stayed and felt more confident for it. Remember that… when you are a footstep away from walking off that football pitch or leaving that social club where no one is talking to you.

Anyhow, I have a long way to go, after only five days of language school, before I’ll be ready to jump into a full blown conversation with a fluent French speaker, except for with my friend Dominque—si gentil.

Fortunately, I have her and Paul, who is far more advanced at French than he likes to admit, cheering me on, but that is not always the case when one is trying to live life intentionally. There will be stumbling blocks in the way whether it is do with academics, sports, or relationships, for example. The key is to stay on track and take anything new or old for that matter one step at a time for the best outcome.

Not so easy, is it, especially when it comes to rejecting sexism and objectification, for example. Lindsey points out in our podcast that the more you love yourself, the easier it is to say no to things that don’t serve you. Some things like going further in a sexual relationship before comfortable are in your face decisions to make but others like considering why you dress a certain way or want to look a certain way is another.

A few years ago, while visiting Miami, I saw a group of teenage girls strolling through town with taffeta see through dresses and trousers and nothing underneath. I immediately thought of the shift in values and norms in society and the narrowing gap between being a girl and a woman, not that I think this type of dressing is acceptable for anyone. However, a woman has far more of a chance of making an informed decision and dealing with the repercussions of the outcomes than a teenage girl, who thinks it is a fun way to show off her body and gain attention.

Quite frankly, it is unlikely that dressing provocatively publicly serves anyone. But if everyone seems to be doing it and society encourages it in the name of being liked and accepted, then it’s hard not to get side tracked. But as Lindsey points, everyone doesn’t mean us well along the journey. We have to dig deep to exercise our rights to overcome. That’s where the confidence comes in, along with character strengths and self-love. 

Now about that conversational French, I’m working on it. Accorder dans trois semaines (for some straight talk in French)! Meanwhile, check out On Girls’ Rights on iTunes, our website or wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blog/

Nothing Trendy At All About Gaslighting

An age old communications technique is do what you say and say what you do.  Sometimes this is easier said than done, particularly in business, but when it comes to personal relationships, I haven’t really had any problems sticking by the mantra, except a time or two when I meant to return a call because I said I would and failed to do so because something else came up.

I am sure I’m not the only one but consistently saying one thing and doing another particularly when it causes mental and emotional upset to another might be considered a form of mental and emotional abuse, known as gaslighting.

If nothing else, it is bad character for sure.  Anyhow, one article I read on gaslighting referred to it as the latest dating trend. If that is true, then at the risk of being cynical, I am going to suggest that you watch out for the trend.  In no way, shape or form, should emotional abuse be trendy—quite the opposite.

Thinking back to my own teenage years, I do remember being promised a phone call or something or other more than a time or two that never materialised and the person picking up the next day or so, as if this was not a problem.  And interestingly enough, though hurt about it, I don’t remember breaking any deals over this type of consistent bad behaviour, not in high school anyhow. Other girls had the same problem and just seemed to accept it as a norm, too.

Surely later in life, my peers and I got the email, if you will. Call it gaslighting or not, it is not healthy to be caught up in a relationship that puts you down, whether it is a romantic relationship or a friendship. I can’t recall ever thinking the pattern was emotional abuse and the term gaslighting was unheard of, at least by me and my peers.

In our latest podcast, On Emotional Bullying, radio personality, Jillian ‘JJ’ Simmons stresses the importance of seeing emotional abuse for what it is, recognising when someone is intentionally manipulating you to gain control.

In gaslighting, the abuser, if you will, consistently and intentionally causes confusion to the degree that you can begin to doubt yourself. Did he or she say this or did I imagine it? Did I make it up, etc…? Been there done that, I will confess, but certainly didn’t recognise it as gaslighting.

You made it up, the gaslighter will likely tell you and if you hadn’t made it up, you’d be able to prove that I said it. With no proof, you begin to feel a bit low. Confusing, hey. As with all emotional abuse, it’s best to recognise it for what it is, as JJ points out. And as soon as you can, get some help. But if help seems too far away, JJ reminds our listeners about the importance of journaling, writing it down, and staying in a safe place mentally and emotionally, out of the space of the abuser, if at all possible.

In our upcoming podcast, rounding off our short series, UIO guest Lindsey Turnbull talks about the importance of exercising freedoms and rights in youth and that means setting physical and emotional boundaries, even if they are online.  Her point is just as you wouldn’t allow an abuser into your bedroom, don’t allow them into your online space, giving them access to your mind. 

Food for thought as we look forward to On Girls’ Rights with Lindsey Turnbull, out June 12.  Stay tuned and in the meantime, do as you say and say as you do and ensure that those in your company do the same. And when they don’t, well remind them that there’s nothing trendy at all about bad behaviour. Quite the opposite.

Blog/

Control What You Can for Better Character

You can only control what you can control.  How many times have you heard this phrase, particularly in the heat of anxiety? Though I have heard it a few times myself, most recently it was in a context that made it far more profound than usual.

While recording UIO podcast’s next release On Emotional Bullying, guest Jillian ‘JJ’ Simmons, made it clear that when it comes to being emotionally abused, particularly in a familiar situation, that you have to dig deep and control what you can.

This got me thinking about character building once again.  Still elated over our most recent podcast  On Character Building with Paralympian Elizabeth Wright, I couldn’t help but wonder what character strengths I recently called upon to control what I could in a bit of a residential quandary.

A day or so ago, I woke up to a beautiful day on my leafy London street, which still counts a bit as being rather central, depending on who you ask, and rushed to pull the curtains back to catch some sunshine. But that is not all I caught. There was an abandoned motorcycle, thrown on its side right out in front of my house. Having been stripped of everything, including its wheels, its license plate and so on, it looked rather unsightly.

Let’s just say as the sun moved expediently behind the clouds, I backed away from the window with an ill feeling welling up in my chest. I didn’t know what to think—had someone done this to a neighbour’s bike or had someone done this elsewhere and brought it to the said spot in front of my house?  Later, I would find that the latter had transpired in darkness the night before. One of our neighbours had heard a fuss around 10ish and looked out to see what was going on and saw a white van in the area. She thought he was parking and had somehow made the noise. She moved on as he sped away.

Anyhow, I told myself that surely the entire neighbourhood was in an uproar over this thing because however it came to pass it was a crime and the evidence was in front of my house. So, I got on with work and thought to myself by the time I leave for my noon appointment, it will be dealt with.  Yep, you guessed it, it was still there when I left to go out and nearly three hours later when I returned, it still had not moved.

Suddenly, my gut prodded me to do something, make a call, anything, and as much as I wanted to ignore it, I knew that it was this same strength of character that had emerged time and again to resolve a dilemma such as this, like the time it brought me peace and quiet in my former neighbourhood, and the endless times it has made the difference in my father’s healthcare, my mother’s and mother-in-law’s, too.

Begrudgingly, I consulted Google, learning how to file a police report online for non-emergency crimes. Done, so I thought, but had a niggling feeling I needed to called my local authority.  Done, for sure now, I thought, until evening arrived when the bike had not moved, so I called the local council again to find that they had indeed attended to find the vehicle leaking petrol.  Yes, petrol. Was I the only one who thought this was not a good sign.

As my fortitude, resilience, whatever you want to call it, rushed in like adrenalin, I couldn’t hang up fast enough to call the non-emergency police number.  After much explanation and determination to hold any anger or caustic words back, I convinced the police to send a few fire fighters, who confirmed that there had been a leak of perhaps oil, so they addressed the matter, standing the vehicle and sanding the hazardous substance, and then said that the council would have to remove the abandoned vehicle.

So, I took a deep breath and asked myself, what can you control?  Though low on patience, I made another phone call to the council.  And as much as I would love to say Eureka, it is all done, I am still dealing with what I can control—outwardly the phone calls and inwardly, I am keeping the adrenalin at bay.

Stay tuned for On Emotional Bullying, out Wednesday. In the meantime, visit our website to hear more from UIO, the podcast for teen girls. We’ve got you covered.

Blog/

Out With Caution And In With Compassion and Care

In a catch-up, warm-hearted conversation with two longstanding friends yesterday, my cup ran over with excitement as I told them about the launch of our Wait Awhile video, released yesterday.  The video has already, at least for me, infused new life into the initiative, which was only born in February.  So eager to nurture that life, I was poised for an insightful conversation.

And when the questions rolled in: what is it really about, why are you doing this, etc… I rose to the occasion with ease, focusing on the concerns about the narrowing gap between being a girl and being a woman and what UIO podcast is doing to support girls in reclaiming their teenage space.

And then I made an invalid point that has niggled me throughout the night, and has somehow found its way into this blog, offering an opportunity to not only set the record straight, but also to put my own mind at rest on the matter.

Anyhow, the comment went something like this: you have to be cautious about these things, how you make your points nowadays.  One of my friends hopped right on it and told me rightfully so that my caution didn’t make sense when it comes to our Wait Awhile initiative.  Why can’t you just make it clear that whatever it is you are talking about, whether that’s sex or cosmetic procedures, that it is premature. Mine, of course, is a paraphrase but makes the point.

How refreshing, I thought, and though not defensively but rather quickly pointed out that if I was doing an interview or writing a blog, I would and do cut right to the chase. But when dealing with a marketing tool, one has to open the door so to speak. 

In my mind’s eye. I wondered why I had said that when UIO podcast is built on straight talk, coming straight from the straight talk queen of the year. Me. Me.  Just ask my youngest niece, she’ll confirm.

Though it can be painful sometimes, I do work hard to tell it like it is, particularly if it is a serious matter where the health of teenage girls is at risk. And I have quickly learned that there is a difference between sugar coating and handling with care. I tend to think that UIO podcast, inclusive of Wait Awhile, handles these challenging issues with care.

Our new video is a perfect example of laying out the concerns and facts and looking at why Wait Awhile exists in the first place.  It is not as much about caution as it is care. 

In the meantime, my other friend followed up with the question of how do you engage young people on such tough subjects without turning them off?  For example, if having cosmetic procedures has become a norm, why would girls decide to wait awhile.

That’s when our podcast for teen girl’s slew of wonderful guests popped into my head. Often with honesty and openness and based on their own experiences and expertise, our guests are able to shed great light on dark topics and of course, there is our recent research study that states the facts, as well as many other research studies that are concerned with both the physical and mental health of teenagers, girls and boys alike.

Reflecting on my time with my two dear friends, I was reminded that our video, like our podcast, is a communications vehicle that raises concerns and cautions for us all in our ever changing world, and offers platforms for insight and debate on the topics, but the key has been and always will be addressing the points as openly and honestly as possible and remembering it is not so much about being cautious about what we say but saying the truth with deep compassion and care. See the video on our website  or via  YouTube here . 

 

Blog/

Never Leave Home Without Good Character Traits

Good character traits are paramount when it comes to overcoming pressure or challenges. It’s the difference sometimes in whether to give in or stick to our own values or whether to give up or keep it moving.

With the unprecedented pressures on teenage girls nowadays, I am delighted to hear of the return of emphasis on character building. The first podcast in our new series, with Paralympian Elizabeth Wright, who advocates character building throughout schools in the UK, deals with the topic. It is out May 15.

Meanwhile, talking about character building brings a breath of fresh air to the debate on how to address some of the modern-day pressures we all face. Sadly, for some time now personality traits have served as the moderator for what is acceptable and what is not.  And when someone is either out of character or displays bad character traits, we often hear: that’s just the way she is.

Call me old fashioned but I call it bad company, bad character. Surely, it is unreasonable to pass off unkindness, rudeness, disloyalty and the lot as just the way someone is.

When I was growing up, I think the emphasis on character building was still on trend, if you will. It might have been losing its steam, but I knew the importance of good character traits in not only building good solid relationships, but also in achieving success in any undertaking.  Another story on whether I always displayed good character or not, but I did understand it.

If I wanted my parents to trust me, then I had to be honest and if I wanted my friends to trust me, then I had to be loyal. And the one time in my teenage life (surely there have been others) when I wasn’t loyal, I suffered painful emotional consequences seemingly for ages. I won’t go into the situation and hope others involved have long since forgotten, but this betrayal of sorts called my integrity into question. All I will say is that there was a popular boy involved. Never mind.

Anyhow, not only did I take a harsh fall from the throne of grace in the eyes of a friend or two and possibly a relative, I crashed landed in my own mind’s eye. It took years to rebuild my own self-esteem and to forgive myself for the deed, even if it was small. But the point is this: without integrity, I might have never known that I was out of character. 

Good character traits can and often do serve as a radar in relationships. Also, good character traits can see us through an achievement and aid us in the worst of times.

When it comes to achieving, I’ve always been slightly above average and slightly below excellent, but where I sit in the great in between is powered by my character traits of perseverance, optimism, reliability, conscientiousness and self-discipline to name a few. Though I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey, there are bits about it that I didn’t really appreciate–having to go to choir rehearsal every Friday night (okay one or two out of the month), lead a song when I could not sing, and attend Sunday School every Sunday morning and participate in the discussions.

But these activities, like them or lump them, fed into my character and drove me to pick up the phone as a young media specialist in New York City and pitch a story, even if I did dread it; sing from a stage in Poland to an audience, who insisted I had the voice of Whitney Houston until they heard it in song; do the right thing in enormous sticky situations, although I didn’t always feel like it; and most recently dig deep and speak up on a overcrowded broadcast platform, when I felt a bit mismatched.

Through these experiences and others, I have come to learn over the years never to leave home without my good character traits. As for the bad ones, I’ve resorted to waiting awhile to keep them in check and I must say the benefits have been enormous.

Blog/

UIO Launches Wait Awhile For Teenage Girls

UIO, the podcast for teen girls, launched our  Wait Awhile initiative, to encourage teenage girls to slow down and reclaim their teenage years to avoid unnecessary regrets. For years now, I have watched the world of teenage girls change rather radically.  I had suspected for some time that due to modern day pressures, girls were being sexualised earlier and earlier, narrowing the gap between being a girl and a woman.

Our Wait Awhile survey not only confirms my concerns but also reveals the hidden story behind the trend that is seeing an increase in pressures such as sexting, tattooing, cosmetic surgery and missing out on real life experiences and often with regret.

In our news regularly now, we are hearing and seeing tragic stories about self-harm and even suicide. Much of the pressure does come from social media but social media does not happen in a vacuum.  Teenage girls tell me that this notion of being perfect and happy all the time is impossible to live up to on and offline and to try, whether it is by filtering photographs online or trying to fit into an uncomfortable space offline, requires great compromise and can therefore cause unprecedented stress and anxiety.

UIO, through our podcasts and our Wait Awhile initiative, want to relieve girls of this undue pressure. Admittedly, the teen years have always been a challenge but the modern day pressures for girls are unprecedented.

We want to hear from you–teen girls and have provided a platform on our page for you to talk about your experiences, tell us how we can help and how others can help, too.  One thing we are already doing is supporting The Telegraph’s statutory duty of care effort to be imposed on social media companies to better protect children from online harms, as related to teenage girls.

Keep watching this space for more on Wait Awhile, you can follow us on Twitter (@uiowaitawhile). And if you missed it, you can catch up with my recent BBC television appearance on the Victoria Derbyshire show on 23rd April 2019 via iplayer until mid-May.  As always, it is all about you, the teenage girl.

Blog/

Planning for future you

Our latest podcast, On Personal Development, the last in our second series of UIO, the podcast for teen girls , got me reflecting upon my own personal journey thus far—the importance of gaining self-confidence and self-awareness early on in life, as well as finding role models.

And though I can’t pinpoint a place in time when suddenly I knew the importance of developing personally, I do remember how much I wanted to be a journalist as a teenager and what I did to get the show on the road, at least from a personal perspective. From reading the announcements at church as if reading the news on NBC to behaving like an investigative reporter when I truly had nothing to investigate, I took a rather naïve yet enthusiastic approach to pursuing my goals.

My family might recall that I always had a question for you no matter what the situation. How could they forget?

In my mind’s eye, all I had to do was hone my natural skills and for sure I would get whatever job I pursued. Peter Jennings, who dropped out of high school but still served as anchor of ABC World News Tonight from 1983 until his death in 2005, was doing so after all.

You see, though I was born in a different era, a different gender, a different race to Jennings, it never occurred to me that I might not have the same breaks, same opportunities that he had. And as it turned out I didn’t, but I did have the desire to pursue my dreams and the confidence to act. And while I didn’t end up on ABC, I have enjoyed some wonderful success as a journalist, a writer and now a podcaster but not without a challenge or two.

To this end, On Personal Development special guest Robyn Spens, a coach and rapid transformational therapist, points out that confidence is key, particularly when in an unfamiliar situation or facing challenges. Here, here to that.

I will never forget feeling as though I was going to drown during a re-branding project, which I was leading, as a major organisation’s interim communications director. And suddenly in a particularly confident moment, it hit me that I knew more than anyone else, even if I didn’t know everything. Thus, it was confidence that saw me through.

It really matters in developing one’s full potential, but it is not the only thing that matters. Robyn talks about the importance of nutrition and sleep, for example, something I am still getting my head around.

One thing that I have learned along the way is that personal development is for life, even if there are stages in life when some bits are more relevant than others. For example, when I first moved to New York, I knew very little about table etiquette. Sure, I knew the basics and had pretty good manners, but when I found myself at a posh event at Tavern On The Green, acting as publicist to the CEO of my organisation, things got really personal.

Since then, I have resorted to my investigative journalism skills. When in doubt find out. Check out On Personal Development for more hot tips from Robyn Spens.

Blog/

When a plan comes together

blog on planning and revision

All the talk about revising gets me thinking about novel writing or even podcasting. Sounds a bit far-fetched at first, right? But when you think about it, revising has a lot in common with such undertakings as creative writing. Not only are they both processes, they each require some level of planning.

Never mind those novelists and podcasters whose delivery comes like Johnny on the spot. They are exceptions to the rules. The rest of us need a plan, at least I know I do.

Sure, the ideas often come fast and furious, perhaps when I am running or even flying, but to develop them properly, I need a well thought out plan, which admittedly often gets chopped and changed along the way.

Arguably, the output is all the better for it. The difference between my first novel, Crossing Over, which never saw the light of day, and the actual third one, The Barrenness, which was my first published novel, was not only maturation and growth as a writer but also planning was in the detail, which meant employing writing techniques that allowed the plot to thicken, if you will.

Without a plan, I received a devastating result, a host of rejections, a vocational habit as a writer, but these were empty, without hope and questions about my abilities as a writer rejections—soul destroying.  For ages, I put the manuscript away, couldn’t stand to look at it. But years later when I did find the courage to pull it out and dust it off, not able to get writing out of my blood, I saw the error of my ways.

While some of the writing was good stuff, not all of it admittedly, the piece did not hang together as a novel. With a better understanding of novel writing, I re-wrote it, renamed it Preparing for Grace, and thanked my lucky stars that it had not been published as it was.

Someday, you never know. But for now, I have other plans, the biggest one is growing UIO: You Inside Out, the podcast for teen girls. In the meantime, I have personal plans too. One is to get more sleep. And you know what, when I didn’t have a plan my efforts were futile. But with a plan that includes signing off of all electronic devices two hours before I go to sleep, I’m catching some z’s. Now you know why I don’t answer late night messages anymore. Fair enough, right!

Of course, revising is a bit different to novel writing, but the truth is: planning is always in order, as long as it doesn’t become a distraction. The bottom line is this: planning means prioritising and being intentional about the task, whether it is writing, exercising, eating right or revising. So, what’s the plan?

Blog/

Putting The Spotlight on Reclaiming Sacred Space

When unhealthy change comes fast and furious, we see it for what it is but when it comes slow and subtle, particularly if it is seductive, we tend to turn a blind eye to it, until it causes an explosion of sorts. 

That is what appears to be happening in the world of teenage girls—the pressures that are staring them in the face daily are causing widespread concerns. 

To no direct fault of their own, girls are a part of a values shift in society and when values shift, so do norms, mores.  Normalising non-medical cosmetic surgery, for example, even if unintentionally, is a little bit more than a trend. It has fundamental implications for mental and emotional health, as does lowering the bar for when teenagers are given a green light so to speak to engage in sexual activity freely, for example, without reference to emotional and mental health.

Our Wait Awhile research as featured in The Telegraph’s ‘Thousands of girls as young as 13 turn to cosmetic surgery as social media pressures mount,’ alongside The Sunday Times’ recently published ‘Teenagers line up for Botoxjabs to mimic celebrities,’ turns the spotlight on the concern for girls signing up for non-medical cosmetic surgery.

Both pieces, as does our research, begs loads of questions.  What does it all mean? Who is to blame? Is this a trend? Over the past few weeks, not only have I been asked these question time and again but also, I have pondered them. And while the answers will hopefully come in insight and debate over the next little while, followed by lasting solutions, rather than in finger pointing and casting blame, we have something to celebrate.

The cat is out of the bag. This is a hidden story that has haunted me for some time now.  As a longstanding advocate for providing safe platforms for girls, I have been long concerned about the shifting norms we all face nowadays, and particularly the impact this shift has on teenage girls.

For too long, society has turned a blind eye to the mounting pressures that teenage girls are facing because of our obsession with instant gratification, glamour and glee.  It is quite easy to chalk it all up to generational trends and believe that girls, themselves, are setting the trends and leading the way.

But let’s face it, teenage girls, like the rest of us, don’t live in a vacuum.  They are not exempt from this chaotic state in which we live.  

Actually, there is nothing wrong with any of the above concepts unto themselves—a little instant gratification from time to time can do wonders for  self-esteem but when we feel entitled, that is another story.  And on beauty, it has to be the most misused and misunderstood word of all times. Okay maybe liberal takes the cake.  But the point is this: beauty is a wonderful thing. When thinking of and speaking of creation, itself, beauty sums it up.  It is when we set and subscribe to aesthetic standards that isolate and marginalise some and that we simply cannot measure up to that we end up compromising something emotional and mental, which leads to the rise in frustration, unhappiness and all the rest.

It is not bad thing that we are now seeing these stories out in the open, which have often been unknowingly validated, feeding into the continuing shift in our values, which dictate our norms.

So what can we do? See the new direction for what it is and advocate on behalf of and support the most vulnerable groups and communities in society. And aid them in setting the record straight and reclaiming their own sacred space.  That is what UIO, the podcast for teen girls, inclusive of our Wait Awhile initiative, is all about. Join us and have your say via Disqus, our comments platform or contact me directly here .

 

Blog/

Keys To Good Family Relationships

Having spent a weekend with family, I was reminded of how dependent small children are on their parents and guardians for survival. Sure, they exercise a bit of independence, choosing their own outfits and making clear what they prefer to eat and so on but at this tender age, children are not mature enough to decide on their own bedtimes, for example, or how long they should stay glued to a television or an Ipad. Left with them, they would stay up indefinitely and pay the consequences later.

Very few would debate the importance of having a pragmatic relationship with small children but as we grow, the balance of power becomes unclear.  Maybe it is the word power that throws off teens and parents alike.  I know when I was a teenager, I dreamt a world of freedom and independence. It was only when I started working and paying my own bills that I realised how free I had been, of course, within the family unit.

Upon reflection, the world around me had a lot to do with my idea of freedom. For example, if Mary Jane (there was no Mary Jane in my graduating class) was driving at 15 and got a new car at 16, then I reasoned that I had a right to do the same.  My parents didn’t quite see it that way. And once they let me know their views, the story ended or did it.

It did as far as they were concerned but in my mind’s eye, I couldn’t wait to grow-up, so I could jolly well buy my own shiny new car as and when I pleased and have exclusive power over my own life.

Of course, as a young adult, I learned rather quickly that there is a complex line between desire and attainment, that reaching a certain age doesn’t make you all powerful so to speak or give you freedom.  Actually, it is quite the opposite. It was having healthy boundaries and good family relations that gave me the freedom to grow. 

Without those key elements, I feel certain that I wouldn’t have had the confidence to move to New York and then London.  But what makes good family relationships.  Helen Lewis, guest in our podcast, Your Family Inside Out, offers many hot tips.

One key is effective communications. That means sharing your views calmly and clearly.  And this doesn’t stop with young adulthood.  Even now as an adult, I find this advice sound.  Otherwise, the problem does not get resolved. It gets escalated.

Another key element in good family relationships is respecting boundaries.  All families have them, regardless of the age of the family members. Naturally, however, boundary lines change as we grow older.  As a little girl, I wouldn’t have been allowed to ride my bicycle to the store but as a teenager, I could.  No wonder I jumped to the idea of driving ever so quickly. Never mind!

The point is: each family is different and has a different rhythm that they harmonise to and no matter what our age , it is important to have open, honest and effective communications and to respect the boundaries that are often in place to protect us, afford us the freedom to grow not only physically but emotionally and mentally, as well. For more information, listen to UIO, the podcast for teen girls.