Month: April 2019

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UIO Launches Wait Awhile For Teenage Girls

UIO, the podcast for teen girls, launched our  Wait Awhile initiative, to encourage teenage girls to slow down and reclaim their teenage years to avoid unnecessary regrets. For years now, I have watched the world of teenage girls change rather radically.  I had suspected for some time that due to modern day pressures, girls were being sexualised earlier and earlier, narrowing the gap between being a girl and a woman.

Our Wait Awhile survey not only confirms my concerns but also reveals the hidden story behind the trend that is seeing an increase in pressures such as sexting, tattooing, cosmetic surgery and missing out on real life experiences and often with regret.

In our news regularly now, we are hearing and seeing tragic stories about self-harm and even suicide. Much of the pressure does come from social media but social media does not happen in a vacuum.  Teenage girls tell me that this notion of being perfect and happy all the time is impossible to live up to on and offline and to try, whether it is by filtering photographs online or trying to fit into an uncomfortable space offline, requires great compromise and can therefore cause unprecedented stress and anxiety.

UIO, through our podcasts and our Wait Awhile initiative, want to relieve girls of this undue pressure. Admittedly, the teen years have always been a challenge but the modern day pressures for girls are unprecedented.

We want to hear from you–teen girls and have provided a platform on our page for you to talk about your experiences, tell us how we can help and how others can help, too.  One thing we are already doing is supporting The Telegraph’s statutory duty of care effort to be imposed on social media companies to better protect children from online harms, as related to teenage girls.

Keep watching this space for more on Wait Awhile, you can follow us on Twitter (@uiowaitawhile). And if you missed it, you can catch up with my recent BBC television appearance on the Victoria Derbyshire show on 23rd April 2019 via iplayer until mid-May.  As always, it is all about you, the teenage girl.

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New Podcast Series Coming In May

As we prepare for our third podcast series to launch in May, I find myself preparing show notes on some rather tough subjects, one of them emotional bullying, a topic that is as elusive as it is complex.

Unfortunately, emotional bullying is likely the most common form of bullying because it wears so many different hats. Think of verbal abuse, social exclusion, spreading gossip and rumours, telling lies, name calling, backstabbing, betrayal, etc.

Health Direct, a website of the Australian Government sums it up as one person maintaining power or control over another person. And though there are varying definitions that link bullying and abuse to relationships, the point is: bullying is destructive and damaging whether in an intimate close up relationship or a distant one.

A key theme about emotional bullying is that it is repetitive. And according to the Positive Parenting Center’s website, the older girls get the more prevalent it becomes in their lives.

Make no mistake about it, however, emotional bullying is not just a girl thing.  It is something that can and does happen to any and everyone, regardless of background or age.  It just so happens that some statistics in the US show that physical bullying drops off somewhat for girls as they get older and emotional bullying increases.

Sadly, bullying makes its way into adulthood all too often.  I have far more memories of possibly being bullied in the workplace than I do at school. One of my first bosses was definitely an emotional bully, who attacked my work repeatedly and threatened to fire me, after I pointed out a clear matter of discrimination.  A close friend had a similar experience, though the attack on her came out of nowhere, causing her to change the course of her career.

Both experiences had mental and emotional consequences but thankfully we both saw the problem for what it was and managed to put a stop to it, which isn’t always the case.

Thinking back to my school days, however, unless bullying got physical, it wasn’t always called what it was.  That is the thing about emotional bullying; it is ambiguous and hard to stamp out for that very reason.  It is without the physical bruises, but the scars are there, if only the target feels them.

I have hazy memories of a particular student emotionally bullying certain kids on the school bus. I did my best to avoid the person but because this person didn’t have the mythical hallmarks of a bully, there was no proof in the pudding that the taunting was taking place, even if the person only poked and prodded with words– threats and lies.  And when all else failed, it was easy to spread rumours and gossip and forbid followers to hang out with the target.

In those days, help didn’t seem to be a stone’s throw away, though it likely was. Bullying wore a mask and in some ways still does. However, nowadays, the mask is being ripped away. The key is to recognise bullying for what it is and get help as soon as possible whether that means talking to a family member, close friend, teacher, someone you can trust.

And do check out past podcasts, all on our website, particularly On Dating Inside Out.  Again, watch this space:  our new series of UIO, the podcast for teen girls,  is coming in May with a great line up of guests, including a Paralympic three-time medallist, a popular radio personality, and a media entrepreneur creating opportunities for teen girls.

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Planning for future you

Our latest podcast, On Personal Development, the last in our second series of UIO, the podcast for teen girls , got me reflecting upon my own personal journey thus far—the importance of gaining self-confidence and self-awareness early on in life, as well as finding role models.

And though I can’t pinpoint a place in time when suddenly I knew the importance of developing personally, I do remember how much I wanted to be a journalist as a teenager and what I did to get the show on the road, at least from a personal perspective. From reading the announcements at church as if reading the news on NBC to behaving like an investigative reporter when I truly had nothing to investigate, I took a rather naïve yet enthusiastic approach to pursuing my goals.

My family might recall that I always had a question for you no matter what the situation. How could they forget?

In my mind’s eye, all I had to do was hone my natural skills and for sure I would get whatever job I pursued. Peter Jennings, who dropped out of high school but still served as anchor of ABC World News Tonight from 1983 until his death in 2005, was doing so after all.

You see, though I was born in a different era, a different gender, a different race to Jennings, it never occurred to me that I might not have the same breaks, same opportunities that he had. And as it turned out I didn’t, but I did have the desire to pursue my dreams and the confidence to act. And while I didn’t end up on ABC, I have enjoyed some wonderful success as a journalist, a writer and now a podcaster but not without a challenge or two.

To this end, On Personal Development special guest Robyn Spens, a coach and rapid transformational therapist, points out that confidence is key, particularly when in an unfamiliar situation or facing challenges. Here, here to that.

I will never forget feeling as though I was going to drown during a re-branding project, which I was leading, as a major organisation’s interim communications director. And suddenly in a particularly confident moment, it hit me that I knew more than anyone else, even if I didn’t know everything. Thus, it was confidence that saw me through.

It really matters in developing one’s full potential, but it is not the only thing that matters. Robyn talks about the importance of nutrition and sleep, for example, something I am still getting my head around.

One thing that I have learned along the way is that personal development is for life, even if there are stages in life when some bits are more relevant than others. For example, when I first moved to New York, I knew very little about table etiquette. Sure, I knew the basics and had pretty good manners, but when I found myself at a posh event at Tavern On The Green, acting as publicist to the CEO of my organisation, things got really personal.

Since then, I have resorted to my investigative journalism skills. When in doubt find out. Check out On Personal Development for more hot tips from Robyn Spens.

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When a plan comes together

blog on planning and revision

All the talk about revising gets me thinking about novel writing or even podcasting. Sounds a bit far-fetched at first, right? But when you think about it, revising has a lot in common with such undertakings as creative writing. Not only are they both processes, they each require some level of planning.

Never mind those novelists and podcasters whose delivery comes like Johnny on the spot. They are exceptions to the rules. The rest of us need a plan, at least I know I do.

Sure, the ideas often come fast and furious, perhaps when I am running or even flying, but to develop them properly, I need a well thought out plan, which admittedly often gets chopped and changed along the way.

Arguably, the output is all the better for it. The difference between my first novel, Crossing Over, which never saw the light of day, and the actual third one, The Barrenness, which was my first published novel, was not only maturation and growth as a writer but also planning was in the detail, which meant employing writing techniques that allowed the plot to thicken, if you will.

Without a plan, I received a devastating result, a host of rejections, a vocational habit as a writer, but these were empty, without hope and questions about my abilities as a writer rejections—soul destroying.  For ages, I put the manuscript away, couldn’t stand to look at it. But years later when I did find the courage to pull it out and dust it off, not able to get writing out of my blood, I saw the error of my ways.

While some of the writing was good stuff, not all of it admittedly, the piece did not hang together as a novel. With a better understanding of novel writing, I re-wrote it, renamed it Preparing for Grace, and thanked my lucky stars that it had not been published as it was.

Someday, you never know. But for now, I have other plans, the biggest one is growing UIO: You Inside Out, the podcast for teen girls. In the meantime, I have personal plans too. One is to get more sleep. And you know what, when I didn’t have a plan my efforts were futile. But with a plan that includes signing off of all electronic devices two hours before I go to sleep, I’m catching some z’s. Now you know why I don’t answer late night messages anymore. Fair enough, right!

Of course, revising is a bit different to novel writing, but the truth is: planning is always in order, as long as it doesn’t become a distraction. The bottom line is this: planning means prioritising and being intentional about the task, whether it is writing, exercising, eating right or revising. So, what’s the plan?