Tag: Wait awhile

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Sleep Matters

How exciting it is to be a part of the buzz around the importance of getting enough sleep. Yesterday we released our first ever podcast on the topic of sleep, UIO: On Sleep with Dr Nerina Ramlakhan.

While I am proud of all of our podcasts, I am especially excited about this one as it has the potential to help so many people, teenage girls and the rest of the family, too. It is brimming with hot tips and great advice on how to get good sleep, meaning sleep that refreshes and heals the body.

That’s right, though sleep might not be a cure-all, for all of our troubles, it is an important, natural resource, if you will, for prevention and intervention of physical and emotional health problems.

A few months ago, I tested this view for myself, though unintentionally. The night before I was due to appear as a guest on the Victoria Derbyshire Show, I did not get a wink of sleep.  Not a wink. An old pro, if you will, at media relations, I couldn’t understand what was going on and tried everything I knew to get a few winks in.  I read relaxing books, moved myself from the bed and then to the guest bed, meditated and prayed and all the rest. Still no sleep.

The next morning, I got out of bed as though I had slept. After happily showering and dressing, I made my way to the BBC’s studios and worked really hard to insert myself into the conversation about the rise in teenage girls and young woman having cosmetic procedures and in some instances surgery.  

After all, UIO had just released its Wait Awhile research, which agreed with the findings of so many other surveys. Thus, I wanted to get the word out. Not to mention the pressure I felt from having a publicist just outside of the studio doors.  Gulp! I succeeded.

Anyhow, after the show I met Paul for lunch to celebrate my achievements and shortly before lunch ended, I started to fade a bit, but I fobbed it off, thinking I will just get home and get in the bed. This can’t be that much different to jet lag.

Wrong answer.  By the time I made it home, I felt like I had been hit by a train, beyond feeling nauseated, and barely made it into the house and into to the toilet.  There I found myself in a pool of sweat, feeling deathly ill, though this feeling washed over in about ten minutes.

So glad I was able to get up from the floor and make my way into our bedroom, I thought I would just drop off to sleep.  Wrong answer and when I did get up, I had another problem—a bladder infection.  As I was in no shape to take myself to the doctor and Paul was not home, I made an appointment for the next day and commenced to hydrate myself, even if it meant pain.  Only then dd I realised that I needed to plan to ensure a good night’s sleep, as my body felt wired, like it was never going to sleep again.  Foolishly at lunch, I had a glass of wine—just one!

After deep thought, I decided to go for a run and afterwards come back and have a soothing bath and then read a favourite book. I have several stacked by my bed for times such as the one I was experiencing.

Anyhow, it worked. I relaxed and at last fell asleep and slept the night away.  When I awoke at 7 am, I felt like a new person.  And the bladder infection was history, too. Still I hightailed it to the doctor later that afternoon, just to be sure. Voila! I was well again and all it took was good sleep, having been deprived of a full night of it.

Every situation won’t be as extreme as mine thankfully, but the point is sleeping is integral to well-being. You don’t need to lose a full night’s sleep to feel sleep deprivation.

To this end, Dr Ramlakhan stresses that sleep preparation starts well before bedtime. Surprisingly, what you eat for breakfast could have an impact on whether you get a good night’s sleep or not, as well as what you eat throughout the day. Napping comes into the picture as well and of course, managing use of social devices.

If only I could wind back the hands of time to January to the day before I was due to be a guest on the Victoria Derbyshire Show—I would have been prepared.  Never mind, I am now and thanks to UIO: On Sleep, you can be prepared too.  Listen on Apple podcasts or where ever you listen to podcasts.

 

 

 

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Tapping Into Your Values

Most of us inherit values from our parents, families and wider society. But there comes a time when values become up close and personal. We rely on what’s important to us.

Though I can’t pinpoint the moment in my life when I knew what was important to me, my father tells me that even as a kid, some 8 or 9 years of age, I was somewhat charitable. Once I took the pencils and paper that he and my mom had brought for us to school and told the teacher they were for the children who didn’t have any. When the stuff went missing, of course, those unfortunate kids turned out to be my siblings.  I have no recollection of this whatsoever, but Daddy does, as do a a couple of my siblings.

The point is that though my first conscious thoughts of what was important to me in life, likely came when I was a teen, subconsciously my mind was at work much earlier.  Many experts agree that our core values tend to form early on in life and can steer us from the teenage years—often chalked up as a time of discovery and rebellion—to adulthood during the best and worst of times. Thus, knowing what really matters is important.

In our podcast with awarding winning coach Jenny Garrett, UIO: Your Values Inside Out, Jenny points out that it was her strong values that likely saw her through her teenage years. I agree. Often when facing tough decisions or even life changing situations, what it came down to for me was: what really mattered to me, not what everyone else thought mattered.

But let’s face it, what we truly value can get squashed in the minutiae of life. Furthermore, there are more blurred lines today than ever when it comes to values, making it crucial to tap into what matters the most.

Of course, when you’re a teenager, so much seems to matter the most, and it can all feel rather urgent. Upon reflection, I’ve learned over the years that very few things are urgent and there are some steps that can be taken to unmask what is real and what is not.

First, consider Waiting Awhile.  Often letting the intense moment pass sharpens your focus. This sort of tactic might come in handy when under peer pressure to do something that goes against your values. See our Wait Awhile campaign for more tips.

Next, Go with your Gut, not to be confused with the chatter box in your head that says jump on the bandwagon when everyone is bullying the new kid at school. If your gut says give it a miss and welcome the kid, then go with your gut, even if it makes you less popular for a few days.  

Finally, as mentioned in many of our podcasts, find real role models, mentors that inspire you, people whose values are aligned with yours. Learning by association has no substitute and it can work against you, too, so do keep that in mind.

So go ahead teen girls live your best life, knowing what really matters to you.  In some instances that might mean championing a cause, in others it could mean doing something kind for someone you hardly know. In short, it means tapping into your values inside out, regardless of the blurred lines so often above, beyond and around you. It’s all about you being clear.

 

 

 

 

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Out With Caution And In With Compassion and Care

In a catch-up, warm-hearted conversation with two longstanding friends yesterday, my cup ran over with excitement as I told them about the launch of our Wait Awhile video, released yesterday.  The video has already, at least for me, infused new life into the initiative, which was only born in February.  So eager to nurture that life, I was poised for an insightful conversation.

And when the questions rolled in: what is it really about, why are you doing this, etc… I rose to the occasion with ease, focusing on the concerns about the narrowing gap between being a girl and being a woman and what UIO podcast is doing to support girls in reclaiming their teenage space.

And then I made an invalid point that has niggled me throughout the night, and has somehow found its way into this blog, offering an opportunity to not only set the record straight, but also to put my own mind at rest on the matter.

Anyhow, the comment went something like this: you have to be cautious about these things, how you make your points nowadays.  One of my friends hopped right on it and told me rightfully so that my caution didn’t make sense when it comes to our Wait Awhile initiative.  Why can’t you just make it clear that whatever it is you are talking about, whether that’s sex or cosmetic procedures, that it is premature. Mine, of course, is a paraphrase but makes the point.

How refreshing, I thought, and though not defensively but rather quickly pointed out that if I was doing an interview or writing a blog, I would and do cut right to the chase. But when dealing with a marketing tool, one has to open the door so to speak. 

In my mind’s eye. I wondered why I had said that when UIO podcast is built on straight talk, coming straight from the straight talk queen of the year. Me. Me.  Just ask my youngest niece, she’ll confirm.

Though it can be painful sometimes, I do work hard to tell it like it is, particularly if it is a serious matter where the health of teenage girls is at risk. And I have quickly learned that there is a difference between sugar coating and handling with care. I tend to think that UIO podcast, inclusive of Wait Awhile, handles these challenging issues with care.

Our new video is a perfect example of laying out the concerns and facts and looking at why Wait Awhile exists in the first place.  It is not as much about caution as it is care. 

In the meantime, my other friend followed up with the question of how do you engage young people on such tough subjects without turning them off?  For example, if having cosmetic procedures has become a norm, why would girls decide to wait awhile.

That’s when our podcast for teen girl’s slew of wonderful guests popped into my head. Often with honesty and openness and based on their own experiences and expertise, our guests are able to shed great light on dark topics and of course, there is our recent research study that states the facts, as well as many other research studies that are concerned with both the physical and mental health of teenagers, girls and boys alike.

Reflecting on my time with my two dear friends, I was reminded that our video, like our podcast, is a communications vehicle that raises concerns and cautions for us all in our ever changing world, and offers platforms for insight and debate on the topics, but the key has been and always will be addressing the points as openly and honestly as possible and remembering it is not so much about being cautious about what we say but saying the truth with deep compassion and care. See the video on our website  or via  YouTube here . 

 

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Never Leave Home Without Good Character Traits

Good character traits are paramount when it comes to overcoming pressure or challenges. It’s the difference sometimes in whether to give in or stick to our own values or whether to give up or keep it moving.

With the unprecedented pressures on teenage girls nowadays, I am delighted to hear of the return of emphasis on character building. The first podcast in our new series, with Paralympian Elizabeth Wright, who advocates character building throughout schools in the UK, deals with the topic. It is out May 15.

Meanwhile, talking about character building brings a breath of fresh air to the debate on how to address some of the modern-day pressures we all face. Sadly, for some time now personality traits have served as the moderator for what is acceptable and what is not.  And when someone is either out of character or displays bad character traits, we often hear: that’s just the way she is.

Call me old fashioned but I call it bad company, bad character. Surely, it is unreasonable to pass off unkindness, rudeness, disloyalty and the lot as just the way someone is.

When I was growing up, I think the emphasis on character building was still on trend, if you will. It might have been losing its steam, but I knew the importance of good character traits in not only building good solid relationships, but also in achieving success in any undertaking.  Another story on whether I always displayed good character or not, but I did understand it.

If I wanted my parents to trust me, then I had to be honest and if I wanted my friends to trust me, then I had to be loyal. And the one time in my teenage life (surely there have been others) when I wasn’t loyal, I suffered painful emotional consequences seemingly for ages. I won’t go into the situation and hope others involved have long since forgotten, but this betrayal of sorts called my integrity into question. All I will say is that there was a popular boy involved. Never mind.

Anyhow, not only did I take a harsh fall from the throne of grace in the eyes of a friend or two and possibly a relative, I crashed landed in my own mind’s eye. It took years to rebuild my own self-esteem and to forgive myself for the deed, even if it was small. But the point is this: without integrity, I might have never known that I was out of character. 

Good character traits can and often do serve as a radar in relationships. Also, good character traits can see us through an achievement and aid us in the worst of times.

When it comes to achieving, I’ve always been slightly above average and slightly below excellent, but where I sit in the great in between is powered by my character traits of perseverance, optimism, reliability, conscientiousness and self-discipline to name a few. Though I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey, there are bits about it that I didn’t really appreciate–having to go to choir rehearsal every Friday night (okay one or two out of the month), lead a song when I could not sing, and attend Sunday School every Sunday morning and participate in the discussions.

But these activities, like them or lump them, fed into my character and drove me to pick up the phone as a young media specialist in New York City and pitch a story, even if I did dread it; sing from a stage in Poland to an audience, who insisted I had the voice of Whitney Houston until they heard it in song; do the right thing in enormous sticky situations, although I didn’t always feel like it; and most recently dig deep and speak up on a overcrowded broadcast platform, when I felt a bit mismatched.

Through these experiences and others, I have come to learn over the years never to leave home without my good character traits. As for the bad ones, I’ve resorted to waiting awhile to keep them in check and I must say the benefits have been enormous.

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UIO Launches Wait Awhile For Teenage Girls

UIO, the podcast for teen girls, launched our  Wait Awhile initiative, to encourage teenage girls to slow down and reclaim their teenage years to avoid unnecessary regrets. For years now, I have watched the world of teenage girls change rather radically.  I had suspected for some time that due to modern day pressures, girls were being sexualised earlier and earlier, narrowing the gap between being a girl and a woman.

Our Wait Awhile survey not only confirms my concerns but also reveals the hidden story behind the trend that is seeing an increase in pressures such as sexting, tattooing, cosmetic surgery and missing out on real life experiences and often with regret.

In our news regularly now, we are hearing and seeing tragic stories about self-harm and even suicide. Much of the pressure does come from social media but social media does not happen in a vacuum.  Teenage girls tell me that this notion of being perfect and happy all the time is impossible to live up to on and offline and to try, whether it is by filtering photographs online or trying to fit into an uncomfortable space offline, requires great compromise and can therefore cause unprecedented stress and anxiety.

UIO, through our podcasts and our Wait Awhile initiative, want to relieve girls of this undue pressure. Admittedly, the teen years have always been a challenge but the modern day pressures for girls are unprecedented.

We want to hear from you–teen girls and have provided a platform on our page for you to talk about your experiences, tell us how we can help and how others can help, too.  One thing we are already doing is supporting The Telegraph’s statutory duty of care effort to be imposed on social media companies to better protect children from online harms, as related to teenage girls.

Keep watching this space for more on Wait Awhile, you can follow us on Twitter (@uiowaitawhile). And if you missed it, you can catch up with my recent BBC television appearance on the Victoria Derbyshire show on 23rd April 2019 via iplayer until mid-May.  As always, it is all about you, the teenage girl.

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Putting The Spotlight on Reclaiming Sacred Space

When unhealthy change comes fast and furious, we see it for what it is but when it comes slow and subtle, particularly if it is seductive, we tend to turn a blind eye to it, until it causes an explosion of sorts. 

That is what appears to be happening in the world of teenage girls—the pressures that are staring them in the face daily are causing widespread concerns. 

To no direct fault of their own, girls are a part of a values shift in society and when values shift, so do norms, mores.  Normalising non-medical cosmetic surgery, for example, even if unintentionally, is a little bit more than a trend. It has fundamental implications for mental and emotional health, as does lowering the bar for when teenagers are given a green light so to speak to engage in sexual activity freely, for example, without reference to emotional and mental health.

Our Wait Awhile research as featured in The Telegraph’s ‘Thousands of girls as young as 13 turn to cosmetic surgery as social media pressures mount,’ alongside The Sunday Times’ recently published ‘Teenagers line up for Botoxjabs to mimic celebrities,’ turns the spotlight on the concern for girls signing up for non-medical cosmetic surgery.

Both pieces, as does our research, begs loads of questions.  What does it all mean? Who is to blame? Is this a trend? Over the past few weeks, not only have I been asked these question time and again but also, I have pondered them. And while the answers will hopefully come in insight and debate over the next little while, followed by lasting solutions, rather than in finger pointing and casting blame, we have something to celebrate.

The cat is out of the bag. This is a hidden story that has haunted me for some time now.  As a longstanding advocate for providing safe platforms for girls, I have been long concerned about the shifting norms we all face nowadays, and particularly the impact this shift has on teenage girls.

For too long, society has turned a blind eye to the mounting pressures that teenage girls are facing because of our obsession with instant gratification, glamour and glee.  It is quite easy to chalk it all up to generational trends and believe that girls, themselves, are setting the trends and leading the way.

But let’s face it, teenage girls, like the rest of us, don’t live in a vacuum.  They are not exempt from this chaotic state in which we live.  

Actually, there is nothing wrong with any of the above concepts unto themselves—a little instant gratification from time to time can do wonders for  self-esteem but when we feel entitled, that is another story.  And on beauty, it has to be the most misused and misunderstood word of all times. Okay maybe liberal takes the cake.  But the point is this: beauty is a wonderful thing. When thinking of and speaking of creation, itself, beauty sums it up.  It is when we set and subscribe to aesthetic standards that isolate and marginalise some and that we simply cannot measure up to that we end up compromising something emotional and mental, which leads to the rise in frustration, unhappiness and all the rest.

It is not bad thing that we are now seeing these stories out in the open, which have often been unknowingly validated, feeding into the continuing shift in our values, which dictate our norms.

So what can we do? See the new direction for what it is and advocate on behalf of and support the most vulnerable groups and communities in society. And aid them in setting the record straight and reclaiming their own sacred space.  That is what UIO, the podcast for teen girls, inclusive of our Wait Awhile initiative, is all about. Join us and have your say via Disqus, our comments platform or contact me directly here .

 

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The Power Of Self Talk

With the re-release of our first ever podcast, UIO: Your Confidence Inside Out with Cheryl Grace, I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of encouraging words and the impact they have on building self-confidence.  In the podcast, Cheryl points out the importance of positive self-talk.  Don’t say things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a good friend, someone you respect.

Out with the ‘I can’t do anything right, I am a complete failure, I’m stupid and so in.’  And in with, ‘I can do this. I am good enough and so on.’ This is a truth that I have not always understood but upon reflection, negative self-talk definitely influenced my confidence, hence some of the decisions I made earlier in life.

For instance, when I was a teenager, I bought into the old saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  In short, I didn’t get into many physical brawls, if any—not much of a fighter but almost always there was a war of words going on with another person or inside of my head, whether it had to do with not liking my looks or not thinking I was good at something like standardised testing.

On the latter, I now know it was believing in discouraging words of others and the negative self-talk that stood between me and my confidence to crack the tests.  Following the first low score I received on the Preliminary SAT/National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test (PSAT), I took a big hit in the area of self-esteem.

Until then I had been pretty evenly matched with those around me, those in my class, in literal arts subjects in particular. Admittedly, I started lagging behind others, mainly boys in Maths around fourth grade. That was the year of integration of the schools in the US, which is an entirely different story to be told another time but does have commonalities with this one, regarding encouraging and discouraging words. Know the power of both.

Anyhow, back to the PSAT, there was the smart boy, who most likely was a genius, who was miles ahead of everyone, who achieved an unbelievable score but I had not necessarily felt inferior to him or any of my other peers until the first low score came, which influenced my standing with teachers and peers, their outlook on my future.

Though I can’t remember a moment where I sort of shrank within, I remember vividly losing confidence, feeling less than others and going into over drive on negative self-talk. This denigration of myself combined with being told that I would need to dream smaller about college and university would haunt me for years to come.

For years as a writer, I didn’t have the confidence to believe in my views, even if they were rejected widely. Thus, I started hating constructive feedback and really didn’t grow as a writer until I started believing in myself again. This began with other wonderful writers and acquaintances propping me up and encouraging me to get on with it. I had a gift.  Then I started sharing my work and reminding myself all the time that I had a gift and even if big publishers didn’t see it, I would still write a novel or two, maybe even three.  We’ll see about that one.

Anyhow, the point is this:  don’t underestimate the power of encouraging words, not only from yourself but also from others.

Discouraging words can be a confidence buster whether from you or from others. Where you are in control, remember that negative self-talk is denigrating and limiting and positive self-talk is affirming and inspiring.  That is why affirmations are so powerful. Stay positive.

And when others speak negatively to you, don’t believe them.  Keep in mind that it is hurt people who tend to hurt others and during the teen years, life can be fast and furious. Sometimes it pays to stop, think and wait awhile before saying things to yourself that will not serve you or take on board the negative words of others.

As for that old saying about sticks and stones, don’t believe it!  Words are powerful and not only can they defend you, they can also offend. For more hot tips, check out UIO, the podcast for teen girls. 

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Celebrating Your Girl Super Power

Though women and teenage girls are experiencing unprecedented pressures to be perfect, to be happy all the time, we girls remain amazing and there is no better time to be a woman, a girl and to celebrate.

Celebrating womanhood is appropriate any time of the year but during March, Women’s History Month, honouring and celebrating women is a daily event, not to mention the excitement of International Women’s Day, March 8.

Appropriately so, we have re-released our Identity podcast, a wonderful celebration of identifying as a female.  Sisterhood co-founders Rachita and Rebecca talk about the wonderful girl cell that we ladies have.

“The girl cell is your super power. “

Ever since I heard this emancipating statement, I have been in fifth gear, encouraging teenage girls to reject the modern pressures in their lives, posing as necessary, norms that will serve them now and forever more.

Hence, our wait awhile initiative, starting its third week of life. With alarming statistics revealing that some teenage girls are actually getting non-medical cosmetic surgery, I have had endless conversations and queries about the matter. How can this be happening? Are these procedures legal, etc?

One growing concern I have is that the real point of this statistic–teenage girls are being forced to grow-up too soon– is lost on society. It some ways it appears that the story is yet another sensational piece, detaching it from real girls.  Not so fast!

The reality is that real teenage girls have had their lips done several times to make them bigger, had fillers in their mouth so gums don’t show when they smile, fillers in their nose so they can contour it, had numerous injections in their bottoms, and Botox from the age of 16.

This is real life, not reality television, impacting the lives of a generation of girls who are making these choices under pressure, often blaming the social media culture in which they live. Social media has a lot to answer for, which is why we are supporting The Telegraph’s duty of care campaign and calling on the Government with as many strokes of the pen as we can to make social media a safe space for teenage girls.

But social media alone is not the only problem. Our girls are growing up under the influence of modern pressures on and off media. Our research corroborates that some of the pressure are systematic, if you will.

So change is needed inside, out if you will.  Meanwhile, we are saying to teenage girls: embrace your girl cell, your super power, use it to strengthen your identity. Follow your passions and side step things that will likely lead to regret and enjoy the good stuff about being a girl and as for the good stuff about being a woman, await awhile. It will come.

For more tips on identity, check out Your Identity Inside Out and tap into your girl cell, your very own superpower.

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Reaping the Benefits of Waiting Awhile

One of the stories found in our Wait Awhile research confirms that teenage girls still feel a lot of pressure to explore sex, often before they are ready. Of the 16% of our respondents who said they had gone further in a sexual relationship than they were comfortable with, 77% of the girls said they regretted doing so.

And although our survey doesn’t ask girls to tell us the specific regrets, I know from talking with teenage girls through my work and personal life and having been a girl myself, though a long time ago, such regrets are deeply felt and can be long lasting, which is why our Wait Awhile initiative is about taking a deep breath and widening the gap between being a girl and a woman.

Having said that some high risk activities for teenagers, such as sharing sexually explicit material can lead to danger and harm and deep regret at any age. But becoming sexually active prematurely does carry enormous risks during the teen years.

There are plenty of reasons to wait awhile but too often the only reasons that are expounded on are the ones that focus more on the negatives consequences of premature sex instead of the positive benefits of waiting.

At UIO podcast, we believe there are enormous benefits in side-stepping undue pressures and expected behaviour that could result in deep regret. And we are not just talking about sex, though sex is a big deal. Sexuality, for example, is another topic that teenagers feel heated pressure to explore and know all the answers instantaneously.

In our On Dating Inside Out podcast with Cat Williams, the therapist points out that often when we are determined to do something no matter the cost, it might not hurt to step back and let the hormones settle, my words, not Cat’s.

Amongst the benefits of stepping back are living a life without the pressure of worrying about consequences, as well as the opportunity to align with your true values and live your best life in the here and now.  And as you grow-up that here and now changes, as it should, giving you the opportunity to make more informed decisions that serve you, rather than cause regret and grief.

In our On Sex and Sexuality podcast, which we have re-released this week, our guest Rachel Gardener talks about the importance of putting your relationship first, before diving into a steamy romance. The benefits of learning loads about yourself while learning to relate to another person far outweighs living under pressure that can and so often lead to physical and emotional scars.

Waiting awhile is about reclaiming your space as a teenage girl.  After all, you’re only a teenager for a few short years. Enjoy!