Tag: teenage girls

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Stepping Into Your Legacy

This year is all about stepping into your legacy.  That could be attending a university that is one or both parents’ alma mater, joining the family business or an organisation that a parent belongs or belonged to, honouring a longstanding value or family tradition, or committing to something that you have always wanted to do.

But let me be clear! This is not about taking on yet another New Year’s resolution. I don’t do those. And it is not something for your bucket list either. Nothing wrong with these concepts but both sweep over me like a gush of hot air and there’s a lot more to legacies than hot air.

Though legacies are often handed down from one generation to another, they are equally as much about the present as they are the future—doing or offering something that has profound meaning and has a longstanding positive impact, not only on you but on others, too.

For many people, a legacy is an offspring, full stop. And for others, a legacy is a business, a financial gift or gift in kind. But legacies don’t stop at the tangibles, they are often intangible too.

For example, my family’s work ethic is rooted in a rich legacy. Many years ago, a staff member who reported directly to me, shared some water cooler talk about my work ethic. People wanted to know where the drive came from and right on cue she said, they are all like that, meaning my sisters and my brother, too. She happened to know one of my hardworking siblings.

I have often thought long and hard about that conversation and it’s true, both my parents were hard workers and got accolade after accolade to this end and on both sides, this work ethic can be traced back to their own parents and so on.

Though they instilled this in us somehow, they didn’t particularly talk about the importance of a good work ethic. They demonstrated the value of it in their own experiences and hence, the legacy was handed down.

Over the years, others have commented on my work ethic and time and again the praise has come from the boss.  Nowadays, I am my own boss and well, the praise has become scarce but change is in the air and the key is commitment.

That’s why I’m looking forward to stepping into my own legacies in 2024, living them fully and leaving good trails behind not only for those who are up close and personal but for all teenage girls and boys for that matter, too.

Watch this space for more on what I get up to this year and hot tips on how to step into your own legacies in 2024.

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UIO Announces U Matter Campaign

With so many crises about, admittedly sometimes I feel like who I am and what I think doesn’t really matter much anymore.

Of course, some of our problems are eerily mysterious and seemingly beyond our control to find a permanent solution. Case in point: Covid 19. But even if it is not within our gift to eradicate it, effective governance of such a problem throws up questions about what matters most.

But this vlog is not about the management of Covid 19 or any other world crisis; we could debate such topics for hours, which many do.  So, I will refrain from that and rather focus on what really matters amid all the controversy, whatever the topic is.

The answer is ‘you’. That is why UIO is launching a new campaign, U Matter, with a new podcast series in early September.  Unfortunately, this will be our final podcast series as far as I know but more on that later.

What is key is that I continue to have a firm belief that teenage girls matter. Of course, all teenagers do but UIO has always been for and about teenage girls, tackling issues that disproportionately affect girls and women.

Thus, the U Matter campaign will feature four podcasts—Your Voice Matters with Cai Graham, Your Education Matters with Donna Morgan, Your Wellbeing Matters with Cat Williams, and Your Family Matters with Lisa Doodson.

I can tell you without a doubt that each podcast is packed with oodles of great information—all slated to rise to the top of the most listened to UIO podcasts. I say this because Voice, for example, is one of those topics that is always relevant, but some current trends tend to attempt to squash the voice of girls and women. And the fight for equal opportunity in Education continues throughout the world.

In addition, Wellbeing is a topic at the core of each of us. It is so important to remember that not only does physical wellbeing matter but emotional and mental health does, too.  So in this podcast, we focus on bullying.

And while it might feel clear at times that Family really matters, at others it does not.  Great societies are built on healthy families; there is plenty of research out there to back this up. But perhaps less research is available on the diversity and complexity of family structures nowadays.  Our podcast looks at the matter inside out.

Stay tuned for more information on the upcoming series. And rest assured that while the podcast aspect of UIO will wind down after this series, my commitment to teenage girls will step up.

It is my hope to work directly with as many girls as possible through organisations such as Compassion UK and schools, for example, throughout the world.  It is a matter of reallocating UIO’s resources to ensure that you the teenage girl continues to understand that: U Matter.

To this end, if you know of an issue that affects teenage girls and you think that UIO can help , contact me here.

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Dealing With Grief Podcast Released

Grief is hard-hitting no matter when it comes.  When my mother passed nearly five years ago after a long illness, I remember feeling the weight of grief and wondering if life would ever be good again. Still I pressed on in a world that had its problems, but never quite felt the real threat of my own health or existence. Admittedly, I thought about it, quite a natural part of grief, but under the uncertain cloud of Covid-19, the Covid era, it feels like I am staring my own mortality in the face all too often, making the weight of grief seem unbearable at times.

Sadly, those of us who have lost relatives during this perilous time, directly related to the virus or not,  are grieving in a crowded space–one that continues to escalate daily.  At the end of July,  there were over 690,000 deaths linked to the pandemic and two months later, the pandemic has claimed over a million lives worldwide, which is more than a 50% increase.

That’s heavy stuff for anyone, let alone someone who is grieving. Thus, it made perfect sense to catch up with grief specialist Kristi Hugstad, also known as grief girl, to tape a podcast to unpack this heavy sorrow and examine how to navigate the space in real time, if you will.  Many people, amongst them teenage girls, will be experiencing up close and personal loss for the first time, while trying to cope with the pandemic simultaneously.

Dealing With Grief is loaded with encouraging advice, while examining the importance of accepting grief as a journey, considering its various layers and understanding its meandering nature. Listen on iTunes or anywhere you listen to podcasts.

 

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What You Say To Yourself Really Matters

Self-talk has a major impact on who we are and also on who we become, whether the talk is good or bad.  What we say to ourselves has a lot to do with our self-esteem, our self-confidence.

This truth hit home for me recently when I had the horrible accident with my middle right finger, an experience which taught me a lot about my character.  See my blog of January 31, Drawing On Unknown Character Strengths.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, my finger was stuck in a garage door for about 20 minutes, putting my entire person under great duress. And all I could think when that door clamped down on my finger was how stupid I had been to use my hand to try to manually close the door. 

What a weakening thought, which made me feel useless and hopeless, and certain that I would lose my finger all for being stupid, but thankfully, the good self-talk overrode and pushed the menacing thoughts back. It was an accident, the part of me who knew we needed strength to overcome, pointed out and from there,  my confidence to survive the trauma with my finger intact rose greatly.

In our podcast, UIO: Your Confidence Inside Out Cheryl Grace stresses the importance of positive self-talk not only when in a pinch but also on an ongoing basis. To this end, she mentions encouraging herself daily with self-love while getting dressed. 

I love this idea and though I am not disciplined enough to employ this tool every day, there are plenty of days when positive self-talk makes the difference in a good day or a bad one. For example, the other day when I had to get through some work that had lots to do with numbers (a budget for UIO), the negative self-talk got in there first (while I was getting dressed) and reminded me that I was really quite bad at budgeting, thus it was going to be a really horrible day. Why didn’t I just put it off for yet another day or not bother at all.

And just as I was giving in to the chiding, it suddenly occurred to me that though budgeting is not my thing, I am actually not that bad at it and I am married to an accountant who is more than willing to help out with the spreadsheets, the bit I really don’t like.

With this self-talk, I felt myself perk up and as I headed to my desk, I looked forward to getting the task off my plate, a very different feeling to dreading a task. It is done, though the spreadsheet is still hanging. Never mind.

Also, in the podcast Your Confidence Inside Out, Cheryl points out the importance of not saying things to yourself that you would not say to a friend.  A great rule of thumb for self-talk indeed. If a friend had called me up and said my finger is stuck in a garage door, there is no way I would have called her stupid, even if I was thinking it. The point is the nurturer kicks in when it comes to being encouraging to others. This same nurturer needs to stay close to self at all times, on an ongoing basis, if you will.

So, the next time you get the urge to tell yourself how stupid you are or how unflattering you look, think again. And remember that your self-talk has the ability to inform your experience, your day, your life.

In UIO: On Personal Development, Robyn Spens points out the importance of not only believing that you are enough but telling yourself as often as you can.

This rule stands even when you are down. So instead of focusing on the downside, focus on the upside.  As for me, though I am still going through a slow healing process, the upside is that I have my finger, which rightly or wrongly is tied to my confidence to do a lot of things—one of them  is writing.

Thank goodness for positive self-talk. Check out our podcasts Your Confidence Inside Out and On Personal Development for more tips on the matter. Both podcasts are available wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Everyone Is Responsible for Internet Safety

I can’t say enough about Internet Safety, but I am not the only one.  Our most recent podcast features Charlotte Aynsley, e-safety pioneer and expert, to shed some light on the topic. And just the other night I was at an inaugural lecture of a prestigious law professor at King’s College, London, who talked about the importance of Internet Regulation the world over.

But here is the thing, is the message really sinking in, particularly with our teenagers?

After all the Internet is the global hangout, full of wonderful opportunities. What could go wrong? Back in the summer this year, I actually heard a young boy say something to that nature—why would it be on the Internet if it is bad—and according to On Internet Safety guest Aynsley, this child is not the only one who thinks that way. There are many children growing up believing that everything on the Internet is true and right.

Though this might sound naïve, it makes a whole lot of sense to the young person whose internet experience is all positive until it isn’t. In the UK, the legal age for having a social media account is 13, though about 24% of children have accounts when they are 10 and twice as many when they turn 12.

A few years ago, a hysterical acquaintance shared that her underage daughter was asked to undress over the Internet.  But thankfully it was all curtailed before any damage was done. But what if it hadn’t been stopped.

Sadly, everyone’s story doesn’t have the same ending as my acquaintance’s daughter had, and mainly because few teenagers are aware of the emotional and mental impact that sharing sexually explicit images can have on them, their friends or others or that sexting, as it is called, is criminal if you are under the age of 18. 

Admittedly, this issue is not being policed as strictly as it could be, Aynsley points out, but all the same, consequences can lead to emotional and mental unrest and cause dire consequences for the future.

Another top issue that holds problems for teenagers online is body image, which impacts  girls disproportionately. The pressure on them to be perfect and happy all the time, as told to us by our two teen girls in On Being A Teen Girl Now, is magnified on social media.  Through polished selfies, this aim for perfection goes well beyond looks and enters how our teen girls are feeling about themselves.

Hence the rise in mental health issues amongst this age group. The key is education, Aynsley says and points out that transparency and honest and real life role models and experiences are of paramount importance.

And this honesty doesn’t just rest with the teenagers themselves, it has to live with parents and guardians, social media companies, the government, the police, everyone.

Staying safe on the internet, which can be a wonderful place, requires a joint effort to not only be aware of the problems stacked against us, particularly children and teenagers, but also be willing to tackle the issues.

The good news is that our podcast clears up the confusion around these tough topics and offers teenagers and their guardians practical tools and tips on the matters.  Listen to On Internet Safety on Apple podcasts and other platforms were podcasts are played.

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Support is Pivotal for Achievement

Playing your game

Sadly, I didn’t get to see Cori (Coco) Gauff in action, as we were still in Cannes sunning ourselves and learning French when she made her Wimbledon debut. And when her run ended, I scarcely knew that I was back in England. Still, I caught the excitement, the energy that this dynamic teen girl was creating, not only in London but throughout the world.

This going me thinking about our podcast, On Being A Teen Girl Now.  Of course, not every girl is a sports phenomenon nor does everyone want to be but it seems to me that to be the best at whatever it is that a girl wants to be, it takes a few disciplines—training, practicing, character building, taking it all in and having the drive (the desire) to keep it moving, to name a few.

And according to our two wonderful teenage girl guests of the said podcast, that’s not all. There is something to say about the support of parents and guardians and guides and mentors. When asked what they each needed to make a good transition from being a pre-teen to a teen, both young ladies were quick off the mark with an inspiring response.

For 16-year-old Leah, it had to do with feeling powerful because it was particularly a time of feeling powerless and that not only came from home but from teachers and other adults at her school and for 15-year-old Divaina, it was the support of her parents, particularly her mother, who she was able to talk to about anything. It was having a close relationship where she could express her inner most hopes and desires and feel safe-guarded, no matter what.

To this end, it was wonderful to see the videos and photos of Coco’s parents in the stands cheering her on and the unprecedented support from adults around the world, famous and those not so famous.

How different the world would be, I thought, social media, for starters, if this kind of support was extended to all teen girls. Make no mistake about it, I am not taking anything away from Coco, rather I am giving her a thumbs up for commanding so much respect and gaining enormous support, but I am dreaming of a world, on and offline, where teenage girls can feel this power that Leah spoke of and that Coco no doubt felt and still feels, as well as the support that Divaina needed and still needs unequivocally to be her best in life.

I am not suggesting a perfect world, which is the very idea that teenage girls have told us they’d like to banish.  I agree. But here is what I am thinking: a world in which girls can win and lose, if you will, without the fear of falling out of grace or not living up to someone else’s standards.

This could take a lot of doing but one hot tip that UIO offers is the importance of effective communications. It is a two-way street, Leah reminds. Not only it is important for parents and guardians to offer much needed advise and support, it is important for them to listen to the flipside too. It could make the difference in not only in success or failure but also could have a bearing on a girl’s well-being.

In his play, Cash Cow, writer Oli Forsyth explores what can happen when lines of communications become blurred or cease. His is the story of a tennis prodigy, whose parents push her, even when she doesn’t want to be pushed, and ignore at least one major cry out for help, in the name of winning. Eventually, it all ends in tears.

Though fiction, Cash Cow, raises key points about the importance of the teenager owning the experience. Without having the desire whether it is to become a sports star, a singer, an environmentalist, a teacher, etc, the offerings of support become something other than support.

And as for the power, the feeling of it wanes for the teenager that is and eventually fizzles out for the adults, too.  As both UIO guests touched upon in the podcast, the relationships between teens and the adults in their lives are pivotal, necessary for that powerful feeling to reign, to take you wherever you want to go..

Listen to On Being A Teen Girl Now on iTunes and Soundcloud or wherever you listen to podcasts.

 

 

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Celebrating Your Girl Super Power

Though women and teenage girls are experiencing unprecedented pressures to be perfect, to be happy all the time, we girls remain amazing and there is no better time to be a woman, a girl and to celebrate.

Celebrating womanhood is appropriate any time of the year but during March, Women’s History Month, honouring and celebrating women is a daily event, not to mention the excitement of International Women’s Day, March 8.

Appropriately so, we have re-released our Identity podcast, a wonderful celebration of identifying as a female.  Sisterhood co-founders Rachita and Rebecca talk about the wonderful girl cell that we ladies have.

“The girl cell is your super power. “

Ever since I heard this emancipating statement, I have been in fifth gear, encouraging teenage girls to reject the modern pressures in their lives, posing as necessary, norms that will serve them now and forever more.

Hence, our wait awhile initiative, starting its third week of life. With alarming statistics revealing that some teenage girls are actually getting non-medical cosmetic surgery, I have had endless conversations and queries about the matter. How can this be happening? Are these procedures legal, etc?

One growing concern I have is that the real point of this statistic–teenage girls are being forced to grow-up too soon– is lost on society. It some ways it appears that the story is yet another sensational piece, detaching it from real girls.  Not so fast!

The reality is that real teenage girls have had their lips done several times to make them bigger, had fillers in their mouth so gums don’t show when they smile, fillers in their nose so they can contour it, had numerous injections in their bottoms, and Botox from the age of 16.

This is real life, not reality television, impacting the lives of a generation of girls who are making these choices under pressure, often blaming the social media culture in which they live. Social media has a lot to answer for, which is why we are supporting The Telegraph’s duty of care campaign and calling on the Government with as many strokes of the pen as we can to make social media a safe space for teenage girls.

But social media alone is not the only problem. Our girls are growing up under the influence of modern pressures on and off media. Our research corroborates that some of the pressure are systematic, if you will.

So change is needed inside, out if you will.  Meanwhile, we are saying to teenage girls: embrace your girl cell, your super power, use it to strengthen your identity. Follow your passions and side step things that will likely lead to regret and enjoy the good stuff about being a girl and as for the good stuff about being a woman, await awhile. It will come.

For more tips on identity, check out Your Identity Inside Out and tap into your girl cell, your very own superpower.

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Reaping the Benefits of Waiting Awhile

One of the stories found in our Wait Awhile research confirms that teenage girls still feel a lot of pressure to explore sex, often before they are ready. Of the 16% of our respondents who said they had gone further in a sexual relationship than they were comfortable with, 77% of the girls said they regretted doing so.

And although our survey doesn’t ask girls to tell us the specific regrets, I know from talking with teenage girls through my work and personal life and having been a girl myself, though a long time ago, such regrets are deeply felt and can be long lasting, which is why our Wait Awhile initiative is about taking a deep breath and widening the gap between being a girl and a woman.

Having said that some high risk activities for teenagers, such as sharing sexually explicit material can lead to danger and harm and deep regret at any age. But becoming sexually active prematurely does carry enormous risks during the teen years.

There are plenty of reasons to wait awhile but too often the only reasons that are expounded on are the ones that focus more on the negatives consequences of premature sex instead of the positive benefits of waiting.

At UIO podcast, we believe there are enormous benefits in side-stepping undue pressures and expected behaviour that could result in deep regret. And we are not just talking about sex, though sex is a big deal. Sexuality, for example, is another topic that teenagers feel heated pressure to explore and know all the answers instantaneously.

In our On Dating Inside Out podcast with Cat Williams, the therapist points out that often when we are determined to do something no matter the cost, it might not hurt to step back and let the hormones settle, my words, not Cat’s.

Amongst the benefits of stepping back are living a life without the pressure of worrying about consequences, as well as the opportunity to align with your true values and live your best life in the here and now.  And as you grow-up that here and now changes, as it should, giving you the opportunity to make more informed decisions that serve you, rather than cause regret and grief.

In our On Sex and Sexuality podcast, which we have re-released this week, our guest Rachel Gardener talks about the importance of putting your relationship first, before diving into a steamy romance. The benefits of learning loads about yourself while learning to relate to another person far outweighs living under pressure that can and so often lead to physical and emotional scars.

Waiting awhile is about reclaiming your space as a teenage girl.  After all, you’re only a teenager for a few short years. Enjoy!

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Catching Z’s In The First Place

As a teenage girl, I never thought I got enough sleep, always dreading the early rise to get up to go to school. Growing up in small town USA, with a school in the centre of the County, I had to get up extra early to catch the bus and if that wasn’t enough to drag me out of bed, my aunt, who lived next door, was our school bus driver. So no room from catching just a few more z’s. My siblings and I were up and at em five days a week and on the seventh day, we were up equally as early to go to Sunday School.

Can’t remember why we had to rise early on the sixth day, probably because my parents rejected the notion lying in. What with work to do. Not a chance.

In those days, I felt badly done by and swore than when I reached adulthood, I would sleep all the time.  Fast forward all these years later and I am still feeling a bit sleep deprived, particularly right about now, having caught a long haul flight from London on Monday to the US. With a number of delays, I lost an entire day and haven’t been able to get it back and never will according to Judit Ressinka, our guest on Episode 2: Your Body Inside Out.

Sleep is not something you can catch up on, rather it is something that you manage as best as you can from day-to-day for a number of reasons. The key one, according to Nicola Morgan, guest on our most recent podcast: Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, is that sleep informs our health. In short, the brain needs sleep to function.

Research shows that teenagers need more than perhaps some others of us as they continue to grow. No wonder I felt a bit dozy throughout my teen years but listen up teen girls, I have a confession to make: I played my part in that sleep deprivation, too.

Well before mobile devices and so on, we had landlines and I have spent a many of night, hunkered under my covers whispering to a girlfriend or a boyfriend when my mother and father thought I was asleep. Wouldn’t you know it, there was another device before mobile phones that could be misused to interrupt sleep.

However, had I known what I know today, perhaps I would have taken some responsibility for my own sleep needs. Though I can’t go back, I can share lessons learned.

  • Put the devices away 1.5 hours before going to bed as Nicola Morgan points out.
  • Leave worry out of the bed or you’ll be worrying and trying to work out the problems throughout the night, whether awake or asleep.
  • Go to sleep earlier if necessary, according to what time you have to get up.
  • Don’t blame it all on your everyone else– school, athletics, parents and so on.
  • And finally, just relax long before climbing into bed.

And remember it is not about catching up on sleep, it is about getting it right in the first place. Got it!

 

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Six Ways To Handle Peer Pressure

The saying goes that only two things in life are certain—death and taxes. And the latter has become a rather grey area for some. Never mind. But here is the thing: the older I get the more I wonder if there is a third certainty that we all have to reckon with. Yep, you guessed it: peer pressure.

We all experience it throughout life. Ever since I can remember, I’ve known about it. Of course, as a child I might not have known its name or fully understood it, but when one of the kids of my youth encouraged me to hide underneath my great grandparents’ old house, though we had been warned of snakes and other dangers, I couldn’t resist the possibility of an adventure. Others had done it and lived to tell the tale. So did I but not without causing a lot of upset to a whole lot of people.

Fast forward, as a middle-aged woman (gulp) the pressure is still on daily, also known as keeping up with the Joneses, not something that I consciously engage in. While peer pressure can be far more elusive at this age, it’s there. For example, when considering strong encouragement from a peer on what outfit to wear for a celebrated occasion, for example, I find myself tempted to give in to what others are doing or to make comparisons that leave me feeling glum.

Make no mistake about it, I know all talk about grooming isn’t about peer pressure. I receive lots of handy advice with no pressure at all and have been known to give out some too, but when peers, people around us, pressure us to do things that make us uncomfortable that might have negative consequences mentally or physically, it is important to see it for what it is—peer pressure.

My examples are small things, don’t sweat them, but there are bigger ones that can be quite intense during the teen years such as pressure to stay out beyond a curfew, drink, smoke, cheat on an exam, get up to shenanigans online, engage in violence, have sex and so on.

Many of these big topics gain momentum in the name of youth or because they are billed as a rite of passage and/or because everybody else is doing it. And if given in to, the consequences can be life altering.

Thankfully, there’s plenty of wonderful advice out there to manage peer pressure. Hence, I have taken six top tips from UIO’s podcast series:

 

  • Keep self-confidence in tow – ‘Just like we put on coats and gloves when we go out into inclement weather, we need to put on self-confidence when we step out into the world.’

  • Show yourself some love and take care of yourself – ‘Your body serves you now. It really is your temple. Look after it.’

  • Don’t worry what everybody else is doing – ‘Try to avoid making comparisons, you are unique.’

  • Know yourself, what you really value and hang onto it – ‘The thing that you want to dull because you are not fitting in. That is your bit of uniqueness. Own it. It is your superpower.’

  • Dare to be different – ‘It takes a brave girl or woman to say wait a minute, I think I am worth more. I have infinite worth and value.’

  • Think about who you hang out with; who you choose to trust – ‘Those that matter won’t mind; those that mind won’t matter.’

All good stuff from the ladies of UIO. Now about that adventure; it was a hiding to nothing and hardly worth the admonishment I received from my father. As for bagging the right outfit for a special occasion, now is the time to dare to be different. Feeling less stressed already.