Month: February 2020

Blog/

Dealing With Anxiety On All Levels

So, what is making you anxious nowadays?  If you are anything like me, you might be thinking where shall I start? There is a mountain of worries on a world scale and sometimes equally as many on a local scale. Few will challenge that notion, but it’s the personal ones, if you ask me, that really get the adrenalin flowing.

And before you know it, you’ve had something beyond an adrenalin rush that makes you think you are having a medical emergency.

Been there and done that. That’s anxiety, this feeling of unease, like a worry or a fear. Unfortunately, it happens to us all from time to time and to some people it happens perpetually.  In other words, bouts of anxiety range from mild to severe and when anxiety is severe, it is usually then considered a specific condition and treated as such in the best-case scenario.

But here is the thing. Anxiety comes under the umbrella of emotional and mental health, whether it is mild or severe.  And just as we can do things to maintain good physical health, we can do the same with mental health.  And when more severe mental health problems arise, we can get  help just as we do with a severe physical illness.

I’ve been fortunate enough to do three podcasts around mental health, one of them specifically on social anxiety, a more severe form of anxiety. Check out our podcast, On Social Anxiety, with Claire Eastham, who suffers from social anxiety, for a better understanding of what it is and what it is not. As Claire says, it is not a fear of people, it is an overwhelming fear of being judged by other people so much so that you isolate yourself.

In any case, I’ve learned a lot from all three podcasts on the matter and have gleaned some tips from the interviews, research and personal experience.  Let’s start with how to maintain good mental health to ward against anxiety.

  • Understand your anxiety. Call a spade a spade. The minute you do this it loses its power. This is one of the best tips I have ever received, and it just so happens it came from Laura Miles, guest on Your Body Image Inside Out.
  • Make time for your worry. That’s right! Give it its props, isolate it and move on.
  • Face the things you want to avoid. Claire Eastham points out that if you don’t anxiety wins.
  • Challenge your negative thoughts. That’s a biggie and goes hand in hand with positive self-talk.  Cheryl Grace talks about the importance of this in Your Confidence Inside Out.
  • Shift your focus. Get practical and physical by doing something you enjoy which relaxes the mind, such as yoga, running, or even journaling.
  • Talk about It. A problem shared is a problem halved. 

What about getting help when anxiety becomes more severe and interferes in your daily life.

  • Realise it is not your fault; it is a condition.
  • Reach out to adults/counsellors, people with more experience in the area.
  • Get a diagnosis, if at all possible. Once you know what it is, it is possible to then treat it, as you would a physical illness.
  • Care for yourself. Lots of options here including eating right, getting enough sleep, and managing the time you spend on social media.
  • Talk to someone you trust. It is important to give the negative feelings airtime so that they don’t stay buried in your mind.

So, whether it is mild or severe, anxiety can be managed for a happier and healthier life experience.  Again, check out UIO podcast for more tips.

 

Blog/

What You Say To Yourself Really Matters

Self-talk has a major impact on who we are and also on who we become, whether the talk is good or bad.  What we say to ourselves has a lot to do with our self-esteem, our self-confidence.

This truth hit home for me recently when I had the horrible accident with my middle right finger, an experience which taught me a lot about my character.  See my blog of January 31, Drawing On Unknown Character Strengths.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, my finger was stuck in a garage door for about 20 minutes, putting my entire person under great duress. And all I could think when that door clamped down on my finger was how stupid I had been to use my hand to try to manually close the door. 

What a weakening thought, which made me feel useless and hopeless, and certain that I would lose my finger all for being stupid, but thankfully, the good self-talk overrode and pushed the menacing thoughts back. It was an accident, the part of me who knew we needed strength to overcome, pointed out and from there,  my confidence to survive the trauma with my finger intact rose greatly.

In our podcast, UIO: Your Confidence Inside Out Cheryl Grace stresses the importance of positive self-talk not only when in a pinch but also on an ongoing basis. To this end, she mentions encouraging herself daily with self-love while getting dressed. 

I love this idea and though I am not disciplined enough to employ this tool every day, there are plenty of days when positive self-talk makes the difference in a good day or a bad one. For example, the other day when I had to get through some work that had lots to do with numbers (a budget for UIO), the negative self-talk got in there first (while I was getting dressed) and reminded me that I was really quite bad at budgeting, thus it was going to be a really horrible day. Why didn’t I just put it off for yet another day or not bother at all.

And just as I was giving in to the chiding, it suddenly occurred to me that though budgeting is not my thing, I am actually not that bad at it and I am married to an accountant who is more than willing to help out with the spreadsheets, the bit I really don’t like.

With this self-talk, I felt myself perk up and as I headed to my desk, I looked forward to getting the task off my plate, a very different feeling to dreading a task. It is done, though the spreadsheet is still hanging. Never mind.

Also, in the podcast Your Confidence Inside Out, Cheryl points out the importance of not saying things to yourself that you would not say to a friend.  A great rule of thumb for self-talk indeed. If a friend had called me up and said my finger is stuck in a garage door, there is no way I would have called her stupid, even if I was thinking it. The point is the nurturer kicks in when it comes to being encouraging to others. This same nurturer needs to stay close to self at all times, on an ongoing basis, if you will.

So, the next time you get the urge to tell yourself how stupid you are or how unflattering you look, think again. And remember that your self-talk has the ability to inform your experience, your day, your life.

In UIO: On Personal Development, Robyn Spens points out the importance of not only believing that you are enough but telling yourself as often as you can.

This rule stands even when you are down. So instead of focusing on the downside, focus on the upside.  As for me, though I am still going through a slow healing process, the upside is that I have my finger, which rightly or wrongly is tied to my confidence to do a lot of things—one of them  is writing.

Thank goodness for positive self-talk. Check out our podcasts Your Confidence Inside Out and On Personal Development for more tips on the matter. Both podcasts are available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Blog/

Keeping It Safe On The Internet

For this week’s blog, I have adapted our October 24, 2019 entry, as it is still as relevant now as it was then and with so much emphasis on staying safe on the internet this week, it makes sense to reflect.

Here we go….  Lots to be said about internet safety. Our  podcast featuring Charlotte Aynsley, e-safety pioneer and expert,  sheds a whole lot of light on the topic as do many other platforms.  Last year, I attended an inaugural lecture of a law professor at King’s College, London, who talked about the importance of Internet Regulation the world over.

But here is the thing, is the message really sinking in, particularly with our teenagers?

After all the Internet is the global hangout, full of wonderful opportunities. What could go wrong? Back in the summer of last year, I actually heard a young boy say something to that nature—why would it be on the Internet if it is bad—and according to On Internet Safety guest Aynsley, this child is not the only one who thinks that way. There are many children growing up believing that everything on the Internet is true and right.

Though this might sound naïve, it makes a whole lot of sense to the young person whose internet experience is all positive until it isn’t. In the UK, the legal age for having a social media account is 13, though about 24% of children have accounts when they are 10 and twice as many when they turn 12.

A few years ago, a hysterical acquaintance shared that her underage daughter was asked to undress over the Internet.  But thankfully it was all curtailed before any damage was done. But what if it hadn’t been stopped.

Sadly, everyone’s story doesn’t have the same ending as my acquaintance’s daughter had, and mainly because few teenagers are aware of the emotional and mental impact that sharing sexually explicit images can have on them, their friends or others or that sexting, as it is called, is criminal if you are under the age of 18. 

Admittedly, this issue is not being policed as strictly as it could be, Aynsley points out, but all the same, consequences can lead to emotional and mental unrest and cause dire consequences for the future.

Another top issue that holds problems for teenagers online is body image, which impacts  girls disproportionately. The pressure on them to be perfect and happy all the time, as told to us by our two teen girls in On Being A Teen Girl Now, is magnified on social media.  Through polished selfies, this aim for perfection goes well beyond looks and enters how our teen girls are feeling about themselves.

Hence the rise in mental health issues amongst this age group. The key is education, Aynsley says and points out that transparency and honest and real life role models and experiences are of paramount importance.

And this honesty doesn’t just rest with the teenagers themselves, it has to live with parents and guardians, social media companies, the government, the police, everyone.

Staying safe on the internet, which can be a wonderful place, requires a joint effort to not only be aware of the problems stacked against us, particularly children and teenagers, but also be willing to tackle the issues.

The good news is that our podcast clears up the confusion around these tough topics and offers teenagers and their guardians practical tools and tips on the matters.  Listen to On Internet Safety on Apple podcasts and other platforms where podcasts are played.

Blog/

Talking About Mental Health: The Brave Thing To Do

Though I initially wondered if the campaign team for Children’s Mental Health Week meant ‘Find your courage’  instead of ‘Find your brave’ for this year’s theme (my brain was stuck on nouns instead of thinking outside of the box), I am truly struck by the depth of the words.

The phrase really does create an opportunity to not only step up to the plate in a big situation,  but to do so in what might seem the smallest of matters, too, like, for example, acknowledging that something isn’t right mentally and emotionally and then talking to a trusted person about it.

For instance, as a teenager when I might have somehow been left out of a circle,  whether it was intentional or not, I felt quite upset about it but kept it all inside and in hindsight, I can now see how keeping quiet might have impacted my self-worth, my emotional health, putting a blight on my teen experiences. 

Still, to express my feelings about what seemed a small matter was a tall order. Quite frankly, it’s a tall order even for an adult sometimes, let alone for a child. Situations can be misunderstood and misconstrued, making matters worse. No wonder so many people keep quiet. No one wants to be chastised or isolated.

For me, this low keyed approached lasted well until a few years ago. Only after I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), that I opened up about my own mental health. Sure, I was quick to see the problems of others, but I found it extremely difficult to see my own issues and talk about them, no matter how small or large.

For instance, while caring for my mother, who had a long-term illness, I often felt beyond depressed and so emotionally tired that I could feel it deep within my bones. I just made it a norm and kept it all in. Reflecting, I wonder if unmanaged grief, along with other stresses, led to GAD.

But with the diagnosis I began to see mental health for what it really is—equally as important and urgent as physical health.  In our latest podcast Series 3: Episode 6 – On Social Anxiety, Claire Eastham talks about the importance of understanding this and getting a diagnosis but as her own story shows,  getting help is not always straight forward.  It is often not only the individual suffering, who might be in denial, but also those around might dismiss the problem or misunderstand it, too.

For example, people with social anxiety are often confused as shy or eccentric, so no wonder they find it difficult to acknowledge or talk about the issue. Furthermore, being pigeonholed or ostracised can have a major impact on self-esteem, robbing the sufferer of the confidence to talk about the condition.

That was certainly my experience as a teenager and when caring for my mother. In the podcast, Claire has some brilliant tips on dealing with social anxiety specifically and one of them is to remember that it isn’t your fault. This tip lends itself to all mental health issues. Understanding this might lead to the willingness to rethink the issue and reach out for help.

Finding the nerves to say something that needs to be said is very much about finding your brave.  What a powerful theme for all of us–adults, teenagers and children alike.

For more resources on mental health, check out our other related podcasts as well: Series 1: Episode 6 – Your Mind Inside Out and Series 2: Episode 2 – On Undiagnosed Mental Illness. Listen to UIO wherever you listen to podcasts or subscribe to our rss feed.