Category: On Wellbeing

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It’s A Start: Finding A Happy Medium

Lots of talk about how we are all spending too much time on social media, our smart devices and so on. Without a doubt, this talk has credence, but Nicola Morgan, guest on our latest podcast: Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out turns the talk on its head.

The point that she makes is that if we spend enough time doing the things that serve us both mentally and physically—sleeping, reading, daydreaming, checking out culture near and far and so on—then we would have less time to squander on social media, on our phones. And we just might find a happy medium and enjoy our devices without a slew of negative consequences.

Let’s face it we are obsessed. Talking from experience, however, obsessions can be managed. For some time now I have been signing off an hour and a half before bedtime, early on it was two hours, and am not only reaping the benefit of getting more sleep, I am also learning to draw again. But before I reclaimed that winding down time, there was no time for drawing or for anything else for that matter.

So far, I’ve produced a drawing of my husband that actually resembles him just a little. Next up is a self-portrait.  My father-in-law would be so proud, having left me to inherit any and everything drawing.

Well before he died, he did a handsome watercolour of each of the two properties we owned during his lifetime.  Six years later, we have owned two more. Sounds like a challenge to me? We’ll see if I am up for it. In the meantime, it is quite satisfying pursuing an activity that I rather enjoy.

Admittedly, signing off well before going to bed has not been easy. I still haven’t switched off the phone completely and stashed it in another room. Bear with; I am working on it. I have reached ‘do not disturb’ and ‘silent mode’ and hidden it in a corner.

In the meantime, I thought I’d bring the idea of ‘spending more time doing what serves us individually and collectively’ home literally. So, on Independence Day after observing smart phones draped around the room and how hugely significant they have become in one family, I thought I’d intervene ever so sneakily.  So, when someone would pick hers up or his for that matter at a ping or sometimes just because, I would find a way of reengaging them, pointing out that they were distracted. Such questions were asked: Are you a part of this conversation? Are you in the game or out? We’re eating now! Can you look at your phone later?

Of course, I shared Nicola’s top tips about device and online management: 1) Switch off and put out of sight 1.5 hours before bedtime, 2) Put away at mealtimes, even a coffee with a friend, 3) Ban during a conversation.

It’s a hard sell, one of my grown-up nieces admitted. “I’ll start with thirty minutes and work up to the ninety,’ she said, as her 12-year-old stepson giggled in the back ground in disbelief.

As for me, I think she is on to something. You have to start somewhere. The key is to start! I am so glad I did. Watch this space for that self-portrait. You never know—might even get to the latest two properties. The key is to focus on doing things that serve you both mentally and physically and less on how to kick the habit of things that don’t. And before you know, you just might find a happy medium.

Check out Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out with Nicola Morgan and also what she had to say about participating in the podcast. It’s a start.

 

 

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Catching Z’s In The First Place

As a teenage girl, I never thought I got enough sleep, always dreading the early rise to get up to go to school. Growing up in small town USA, with a school in the centre of the County, I had to get up extra early to catch the bus and if that wasn’t enough to drag me out of bed, my aunt, who lived next door, was our school bus driver. So no room from catching just a few more z’s. My siblings and I were up and at em five days a week and on the seventh day, we were up equally as early to go to Sunday School.

Can’t remember why we had to rise early on the sixth day, probably because my parents rejected the notion lying in. What with work to do. Not a chance.

In those days, I felt badly done by and swore than when I reached adulthood, I would sleep all the time.  Fast forward all these years later and I am still feeling a bit sleep deprived, particularly right about now, having caught a long haul flight from London on Monday to the US. With a number of delays, I lost an entire day and haven’t been able to get it back and never will according to Judit Ressinka, our guest on Episode 2: Your Body Inside Out.

Sleep is not something you can catch up on, rather it is something that you manage as best as you can from day-to-day for a number of reasons. The key one, according to Nicola Morgan, guest on our most recent podcast: Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, is that sleep informs our health. In short, the brain needs sleep to function.

Research shows that teenagers need more than perhaps some others of us as they continue to grow. No wonder I felt a bit dozy throughout my teen years but listen up teen girls, I have a confession to make: I played my part in that sleep deprivation, too.

Well before mobile devices and so on, we had landlines and I have spent a many of night, hunkered under my covers whispering to a girlfriend or a boyfriend when my mother and father thought I was asleep. Wouldn’t you know it, there was another device before mobile phones that could be misused to interrupt sleep.

However, had I known what I know today, perhaps I would have taken some responsibility for my own sleep needs. Though I can’t go back, I can share lessons learned.

  • Put the devices away 1.5 hours before going to bed as Nicola Morgan points out.
  • Leave worry out of the bed or you’ll be worrying and trying to work out the problems throughout the night, whether awake or asleep.
  • Go to sleep earlier if necessary, according to what time you have to get up.
  • Don’t blame it all on your everyone else– school, athletics, parents and so on.
  • And finally, just relax long before climbing into bed.

And remember it is not about catching up on sleep, it is about getting it right in the first place. Got it!

 

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Your Online Wellbeing

One of the things that I love about blogging in this space is the opportunity to look down memory lane and offer some insight based on my own experiences.  Not this week, since the topic of the hour was unheard of when I was a teenage girl, though most of us cannot imagine life without it. Yes, you guessed it—we’re talking our beloved electronic devices and connecting to the internet with them.

Big topic for teenage girls, right? Of course. it is, but according to Nicola Morgan, expert on the adolescent brain, the topic is as crucially important for adults as it is teenagers. In our special summer edition podcast, Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, Nicola tells us why we are so captivated by our devices and what compels us to stay online all the time, okay most of the time.  Also, she offers more insight on the subject in her latest book, The Teenage Guide to Life Online.

Admittedly, I have been a big proponent of confiscating phones and devices from teens particularly before bedtime without reference to what using the phone and being online obsessively might be doing to my own sleep, my own concentration, my life.

A few months ago, however, my nutritionist suggested that I put the phone away at least 1.5 hours before going to bed and I upped the stakes to two hours and have been reaping benefits since, at least when I manage to comply. But here is the thing, the penny still didn’t drop that I have been practicing double standards, as have many adults, until my conversation with Nicola.

In short, Nicola suggests that adults practice what we preach and offers three top tips about device and online management: 1) Switch off and put out of sight 1.5 hours before bedtime, 2) Put away at mealtimes, even a coffee with a friend, 3) Ban during a conversations. Don’t even glance. Gulp!

Now is the time for my confession. Last summer when my niece Jana, my now 15, visited London, the smart phone was indeed a point of contention. It and it only could cause the type of disturbance that could ruin Jana’s holiday to my mind. So, when she was walking around London clutching it, I cajoled and prodded, ‘put the phone away and check out this and that and so on’.

And at dinner, no phones were allowed at the table, not Jana’s anyhow, and at night, the phone was removed from her presence, ensuring a good night’s sleep for all, well for me anyhow. At least one night, separation anxiety caused such an upheaval that, my darling niece was up rather early asking if she could have her phone back.

Meanwhile, I was ever so determined to save her from it while all the time obsessively checking my own messages late at night and justifying occasional use at the dinner table or during a conversation. Worse yet, I probably caused a few second-hand disruptions, using my phone when she and my nephew had put theirs away with a view to concentrate on London.

I think this is the biggie for many adults. After all, we have to check work messages, take a phone call, do important things, right. Wrong answer, says Nicola Morgan.

For the rest of the story, Listen to Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out on iTunes, Soundcloud, TuneIn,  Stitcher and other listening apps. Meanwhile, sounds like a much needed opportunity to bridge a gap between the generations.  Jana, I am waiting at the half way mark, phone well out of sight. See you on the bridge.

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Kicking the Comparison Habit

Today while with my personal trainer, Laura, I noticed a younger woman with her trainer lifting some pretty heavy looking weights. And suddenly I felt guilty for moaning about the seven kilogram (15 lb) weight I had used to do split squats, but the rush of emotion didn’t stop at guilt. It hurried to something else that can be even more of a confident buster than guilt. Yep, you guessed it—the comparison narrative.

“She is much younger than I am,” I said to Laura.

“We don’t do comparisons in here,” Laura replied on automatic pilot.

Only then did I realise that as confident as I can be about many things that I do, whether working out, writing, podcasting or even driving, I find myself falling into a comparison narrative, even if it is only with myself. I thought I had squashed this narrative years ago.

When I was a teenager, I remember entering the 100-yard dash race during a field day at school, favoured to win. Back then I was quite a flier and could out run just about any boy or girl my age or even a bit older. But when the whistle blew, I stalled. I didn’t have the confidence in my ability to win. I have never forgotten.

And now that I look back on it. I think it had to do with comparing myself to the other girls in my class. Those who were athletes were arguably competitive and rightly so. They were confident in their games, whatever that was. But I, who had only displayed my athletic ability at church picnics, at home and so on, compared myself to them and didn’t measure up. There went my high school, college and life interest in becoming an athlete.

And over the years, when the comparison narrative has cropped up, pushing me away from something, I have managed to put it in check, particularly to do with writing. It was only today that I realised that though it doesn’t rear its pushy head aggressively the way it used to, it turns up subtly and in the slightest way can knock my confidence.

So just remember teen girls, when you find yourself comparing yourself, your abilities to someone else, put it into perspective. There’s only one you and all you can do is be the best you can be. No one else can do that. That takes trusting in your abilities, whether that’s in academics, sports, drama, life. That takes confidence.

Wear it and wear it well, like you would protective gear for inclement weather, to paraphrase Cheryl Grace, guest on Episode 1: Your Confidence Inside Out. Listen on iTunes. As for me, so much for paying attention to others while training. It’s all about me next Tuesday. But don’t tell Laura. We wouldn’t want her comparing, now would we.

 

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Why Talk About Sex and Sexuality?

Since I launched UIO, I have talked to many folks about sex and sexuality. The most in-depth conversation was for Episode 8: On Sex and Sexuality with Rachel Gardner, founder of the Romance Academy, who like me advocates focusing on building relationships and learning more about yourself before making pre-mature decisions about sex.

A non-starter, right, considering all the nuances in the air, whether in music, film, at school or just in the community, seemingly sex has become the biggest part of everything.  Recently, someone said to me: all teenagers have sex.

No wonder in one of my latest conversations on the topic, a parent said that when her daughter turns 16, she plans to put her on birth control. She simply is not going to trust a 16-year-old.

What does trust have to do with it? I asked. Surely birth control isn’t the answer. What about talking, sooner rather than later, and then if birth control is in order, fair enough, along with protection against diseases. But what about a real conversation to put it all into perspective—the good, the bad, the indifferent.

With scepticism in her voice, she pretty much fobbed me off. That got me wondering why it is so difficult for parents and teens to have a real conversation about sex, the hottest topic on the planet.

When I was a teen, though I enjoyed talking to my parents about a lot of things, asking all sorts of questions about the world, I never broached the topic of sex and neither did they. Though it was there, you couldn’t ignore it, it was a taboo subject. Others around my age, whether from a liberal or conservative household, shared similar stories.

One acquaintance confided that her mother’s parting words to her when she moved out were: “Don’t get pregnant,” though they hadn’t talked about sex previously! Another said, though she was clearly having sex with a boyfriend before she left home, neither of her parents mouthed a word. How was she to take care of herself? She didn’t know what to think. Not to mention other nuances that she had to deal with at school and so on.

Similar stories have been confided about sexuality, too, whether the topic has either been ignored or squashed. End of story.Actually not. Not having real conversations with guardians about tough topics such as sex and sexuality is often the beginning of difficult times. There are many reasons why it is important to talk about such topics, including avoiding conflict, stumbling into harmful situations, suffering unnecessary consequences, building trust and so on. Okay, but whose responsibility is it to broach the heated subject?

Parents are the adults in the situation, in charge of the household, right. Surely, they ought to bring it up. Imagine rushing in from school, throwing off your backpack and pulling up at the dinner table to be eyeballed by one or both of your parents, followed by a wry smile and then the dreaded words: “We need to talk about sex and/or sexuality!”

I suspect I would have wished for the floor to swallow me up than to reveal my real feelings on the matter. But I do remember somehow understanding the lay of the land and as a teen my passionate views didn’t always comply. In such a scenario, my defences might have gone up, certain that the talk could only be one sided.

So, what about the option of bringing up the topic yourself?  Not a chance, right, particularly for someone who has a question of sexuality with fears of facing unaccepting guardians and wider family. In this instance, it might be the parent who wants the floor to swallow them up.

Though both scenarios are less than ideal, the key is that parents listen to their teens, their desires, their hopes, their fears, and visa versa that teens listen to their parents, their desires, their fears, their hope, both with respect to values and morals but without judgment.

It is a tall order but it eliminates rejection, which leads to isolation, depression even suicidal thoughts. Make no mistake about it, I am not advocating a green light for teens to do as you please, but I am proposing a green light that affords you to bring any and everything you have to someone who has your best interest at heart, talk about it.  In Episode 6: Your Mind Inside Out, psychotherapist Jane Goldberg talks about the importance of talking about all feelings, good and bad.

Also, talking openly and honestly educates and informs for better decision making. There is so much focus on the physical consequences of pre-mature sex, that little is said about the mental pitfalls, of which there are many. Check out Episode 8 for more on this.

Finally, talk helps growth and development, puts you in touch with values, who you really are, what drives you. Just remember conversation is a dialogue and a good exercise in listening. It requires a bit of patience, too, as does life. Still working on that one.

 

 

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Relaxing During Testing Times

Exams and GCSEs are what’s happening on this side of the pond and lots of end of the year tests are in progress  on the other — some decide whether one passes to the next grade or not! No wonder, so many of you are feeling stressed right about now. That’s intense, no matter how you look at it.

Something’s gotta give, right? I know the feeling, even though it’s been a while since I had to sit an exam for one reason or another, but not so long that I’ve forgotten the pressure. Reading, studying, and cramming incessantly often left me too exhausted to sleep. You too. The hours meant for sleeping, especially the night before, was often spent tossing and turning fitfully.

I can still just about remember the feeling of sweet relief that washed over me when the big day had come and gone. Even if I immediately began to worry about my scores, there was something liberating about having the exam behind me.

Upon reflection, however, I now know taking exams doesn’t have to be that intense. Of course, preparation is key and that is where planning comes in but planning, as helpful and necessary as it is, might not be enough to remove some of the stressors.

There are plenty of wonderful ways to de-stress, such as yoga, meditation and so on, but some techniques take time and money and often when in school, the two can be sparse. That’s why I tend to return to two failsafe ways of relaxing, both take very little time and don’t have to cost a penny.

First things first: learn how to breathe again. Yes, you read it right. Years ago, I tried a technique called transformational breathing and though it is not for everyone, for the two reasons I mention above and others, we could all learn from the basic premise, which amends the mind positively, helping the recipient to relearn to breathe deeply and slowly.

And you didn’t know you had forgotten, right. I didn’t either until suddenly I was asked to take deep breathes rather slowly. Only then did I realise that my breathing had become shallow and it was taking a toll on my overall existence.

And though I don’t practice transformational breathing anymore, I often re-train myself to breathe properly again, anywhere and anytime and it works, to slow the mind down, the body, too and offers respite from whatever pressure is in the air. Works a jewel at night when stress is looming large over sleep, slows the mind right down, making way for sleep, something that we all need plenty of and certainly when facing exams.

Read more about breathing deeply and slowly and transformational breathing in my HuffPost blog Breathing Through The Holidays.

Now about slowing down, why not go for a walk as another simple way to de-stress. I know, I know, you thought running was my thing. It is! Some of my best ideas have come out of a long run and often when I go out for a walk, I find myself revved to run. But lately, I have learned to slow it down and come to appreciate walking for what it is, a very natural way of eradicating the mind of chatter and worry and relaxing the body, too.

First on a retreat where walking was mentioned as a way to stimulate writing, I struggled to keep it slow, but then when my trainer mentioned that walking was less stressful on the body, I put it to the test, trading in a run for a walk at least once per week.

For me, walking is not so much about pulling ideas out of the subconscious mind, the R-mode, but more so about abiding in that right mind, if you will, for as long as I can. And in that mental state, I find myself automatically relaxed.

So much for testing times! Why not relax your way through them?

 

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Six Ways To Handle Peer Pressure

The saying goes that only two things in life are certain—death and taxes. And the latter has become a rather grey area for some. Never mind. But here is the thing: the older I get the more I wonder if there is a third certainty that we all have to reckon with. Yep, you guessed it: peer pressure.

We all experience it throughout life. Ever since I can remember, I’ve known about it. Of course, as a child I might not have known its name or fully understood it, but when one of the kids of my youth encouraged me to hide underneath my great grandparents’ old house, though we had been warned of snakes and other dangers, I couldn’t resist the possibility of an adventure. Others had done it and lived to tell the tale. So did I but not without causing a lot of upset to a whole lot of people.

Fast forward, as a middle-aged woman (gulp) the pressure is still on daily, also known as keeping up with the Joneses, not something that I consciously engage in. While peer pressure can be far more elusive at this age, it’s there. For example, when considering strong encouragement from a peer on what outfit to wear for a celebrated occasion, for example, I find myself tempted to give in to what others are doing or to make comparisons that leave me feeling glum.

Make no mistake about it, I know all talk about grooming isn’t about peer pressure. I receive lots of handy advice with no pressure at all and have been known to give out some too, but when peers, people around us, pressure us to do things that make us uncomfortable that might have negative consequences mentally or physically, it is important to see it for what it is—peer pressure.

My examples are small things, don’t sweat them, but there are bigger ones that can be quite intense during the teen years such as pressure to stay out beyond a curfew, drink, smoke, cheat on an exam, get up to shenanigans online, engage in violence, have sex and so on.

Many of these big topics gain momentum in the name of youth or because they are billed as a rite of passage and/or because everybody else is doing it. And if given in to, the consequences can be life altering.

Thankfully, there’s plenty of wonderful advice out there to manage peer pressure. Hence, I have taken six top tips from UIO’s podcast series:

 

  • Keep self-confidence in tow – ‘Just like we put on coats and gloves when we go out into inclement weather, we need to put on self-confidence when we step out into the world.’

  • Show yourself some love and take care of yourself – ‘Your body serves you now. It really is your temple. Look after it.’

  • Don’t worry what everybody else is doing – ‘Try to avoid making comparisons, you are unique.’

  • Know yourself, what you really value and hang onto it – ‘The thing that you want to dull because you are not fitting in. That is your bit of uniqueness. Own it. It is your superpower.’

  • Dare to be different – ‘It takes a brave girl or woman to say wait a minute, I think I am worth more. I have infinite worth and value.’

  • Think about who you hang out with; who you choose to trust – ‘Those that matter won’t mind; those that mind won’t matter.’

All good stuff from the ladies of UIO. Now about that adventure; it was a hiding to nothing and hardly worth the admonishment I received from my father. As for bagging the right outfit for a special occasion, now is the time to dare to be different. Feeling less stressed already.

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Mind the Generation Gap Please

Mind the gap, please when you are communicating with your parents. Sure, mind the gap is a London underground catchphrase but not doing so can lead to serious consequences. And so can not considering that there are likely many generation gaps between you and your parents. This gap, unto itself, can raise illusive barriers as well as very tangible ones that makes it very difficult to communicate during the best of times, let alone during the worst of times.

When I was a teen girl, a very long time ago, mind you, I didn’t have the nerve to speak to my parents about certain topics that were looming large in my life—dating, peer pressure, body image concerns and so on. It was not the done thing and quite fankly, the assumption was that they were not interested and even if they were they wouldn’t share my viewpoint on the issues anyhow.

Make no mistake about  it, my parents were not evil people, quite the opposite, but like most of their peers they seemed to have a closed door policy, if you will, concerning certain issues. They set the boundaries, the rules, and we followed them or not as best as we could and suffered the consequences later.

Looking back, however,  I can see the errors in my thinking. I could have saved myself a lot of time, emotional outbursts and even heartache, had I even knocked at the door, let alone pushed at it gently.

Fast forward, parental styles nowadays do seem to be more open, but even if they aren’t, there is too much margin for error to allow the door to stay closed. It is crucial to take the lead and gently push the door open to communicate with your parents.

In doing so, however, there are just a few things to mind that might help bridge the foreboding generation gap.

  1. Maintain Good Terms – Make an effort to maintain good relations with your parents and/or guardians, not just when you need a ride home, money for an activity, etc. But keeping up your end as a family member and actively seeking out opportunities to do something together whether in the kitchen, in the yard, etc. Thinking back, I had some of the best conversations with my dad, when I helped him wash the car.
  2. Speak Their Language – Sure times have moved on and so many phrases are yesterday, however, not understanding where someone else is coming from raises barriers and causes feelings of exclusion. So TEACH THEM YOUR LANGUAGE, TOO.
  3. Honour Boundaries – Every family has them, even if they are unspoken but particularly when they are spoken, honour them. Try to do what you agreed and when you can’t acknowledge that you didn’t. However if trying to do something is causing great stress, explain this and try to negotiate a middle ground. What I am not saying is to disrespect the parental no.
  4. Respect Their No – They have a right to set rules, as they are responsible for you. Having said this, I firmly believe teens have a voice, collectively and individually. Do use your voice respectfully. Throwing the phone down or slamming doors won’t get you a yes anyhow. It is likely to keep the door that you’re trying to open tightly shut. But finding the right time, telling them that it is important to you, that you really need to talk, will help you share your views more confidently and feel valued and assured that your parents are listening, even if they still say no.
  5. Listen To Them – It is a a two-way street, right. Just as you want them to listen to you,  you need to do the same thing. Just because someone else is doing it, doesn’t mean it is right for you. Listen without thinking of your comeback or paying lip service quickly and then doing your own thing anyhow. Listening involves processing information and understanding what it is being said and why.

When it is all said and done, remember you might find that you still have fundamental disagreements, considering the generation gap(s), tried and tested values, traditions and so on that contribute to your parents thinking and decision making processes.  Still keep in mind that most parents have your best interest at heart and want what they believe is right for you. Take a deep breath, mind the gap please, and gently push the door open to communication that feeds into interdependence for healthy family relations.

 

 

 

 

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Seeing The Light For A Happy Holiday

There’s nothing like negative energy to put a dampener, even a darkness, over a holiday. It moves fast. Once it takes hold of you, you change, go up in arms and see the world through cloudy eyes. And the cloud can hang around for days and make a good time bad, certainly if you are not intentional about lifting it.

There goes my holiday, I thought, watching everyone around me being served, including my husband on a business-class flight, where this kind of thing is not supposed to take place, right? Wrong, as it happens.

All I could think as we neared the male-dominated culture where I was hoping to broaden my horizons, while relaxing a bit as well, was: it is going to be a long two weeks. Never mind that that it had been a smooth ride so far, turbulence had hijacked my heart, as well as my mind.

Thankfully, however, I had just read an InStyle piece by writer–filmmaker Ava Duvernay, about the concept that darkness moves faster than light in her new film, A Wrinkle in Time.[1] Though she believes the idea is true, she still maintains that light is stronger than darkness.

Ah ha! Here was a chance for me to see the light. So as the words ‘sexism’, ‘racism’ or both, or plain ole ‘trifling-ism’, floated around in my head like several overactive helium balloons, I remembered the article, reached for it and reread it and, in my negativity, begrudgingly agreed with Duvernay.

Still, no matter how I spun my situation, I had been overlooked, which consequently led to a feeling of marginalization. I could feel the negative energy rushing through my head. Then oddly, I remembered two descriptions of mismanagement of anger from The Marriage Book by Nicky and Sila Lee: the hedgehog and the rhino concepts.[2] Yep, these concepts are exactly like the animals they are named for.

Momentarily, I became a hedgehog, most uncharacteristic of me, and curled up into a prickly ball and threatened to stick anyone who came near me, and in the next moment, my rhino tendencies took over.  And just as I was about to charge, an air steward rushed over with a tablecloth bearing an apology, which actually seemed sincere.

Only then did I call upon my positive strength to ward off the negative energy that was ruining the holiday that hadn’t even begun. Attentively, I listened.

There had been a mix-up. As I was in a middle seat and there was no one to the left of me, each steward had thought the other was taking care of me. It happens, right? Never mind the iPad(s) they walked around with listing all passengers and where they were seated.

So there I was with two paths before me: I could let the darkness hang over the situation, exacerbated by the inflated balloon of thoughts; or I could let light push through.

In a flash, I took a middle ground. Through gritted teeth I accepted the apology, but only after I mentioned how terribly upset and disappointed I had been, and that I hoped it wouldn’t happen again … to anyone. Full stop!

There, I could get back to looking forward to my holiday were it not for the balloons of negative thought. Though somewhat deflated, they were still bobbing in the background. Even after the cabin manager had rendered an apology and came bearing an expensive bottle of wine, followed by yet another apology from another big wig, I couldn’t quash the negative thoughts.

They had to go to make way for the light. But how? Then I had a lightbulb moment: I had to be intentional. End of story. They were my thoughts, mine only, and only I could get rid of them.

So, after some serious reasoning with my subconscious mind, it happened – it was addressed, there was no need to harp on all the –isms because, after all, doing so was going to ruin our holiday, no one else’s, so I had to let it go. The message got through.

That’s when I heard the voices of many happy Minions – you know, the ones that cheer when you win a video game. And then I saw fireworks exploding with beautiful light. So glad I caught it … the light, that is. A happy holiday was ahead.

 

[1] InStyle, March 2018, Let There Be Light by Ava Duvernay.

[2] The Marriage Book: How To Build A Lasting Relationship by Nicky & Sila Lee (Alpha Resources, 2000).

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Wearing Hair Braids Well Throughout The Ages

Hairstyles come and go but one that always seems to be all the rage is braiding in various ways. From traditional African cornrow styles to ultra-modern twisting, braids have been a go to hairstyle throughout the ages, whether for style (Egyptians), status (Romans) or spiritual endeavours, such as was used by the Native Americans.

In some instances, nowadays braids have become quite practical, too. According to Joy Miller, co-owner of Junior Green Hair and Beauty and guest of UIO: Your Hair Inside Out, braids are a great style for playing sports and so on. You don’t have to worry about your hair… That’s my point. Anyhow, Joy points out that braids can give hair a needed break from endless styling, too.

Not that you don’t have to look after braids, you do but it is an altogether easier task. I should know I jumped on the band wagon for my trip to Sri Lanka recently. Having struck up a love affair with my hair goodness knows how long ago, it was an easy, yet stylish, way to look after it in a sweltering climate, where no one, including me would have a clue how to manage it.

Thankfully, braids, rather twists, were just what I needed. When the heat got too hot, I could tie them up and at night when it was a bit cooler, not much, I could let them down.

Though it took three hours and counting to get the style, it was worth it with all the curiosity raised amongst the locals. A conversation starter for sure with both men, who likened my hair to Bob Marley, and women but particularly young women and teenage girls wanting to know how to get the style.

While I didn’t have any fast answers for them, I thought I’d offer a few tips here from UIO: Your Hair Inside Out on this all the rage hairstyle:

  • While braiding can be great for the hair, avoid tight braiding and ponytails by all means. It breaks the hair. Been there, done that. Keep it lose.
  • Ignore stereotypes! Love, love, love Bob Marley but sadly braiding does not hitch me to the star. Sometimes it is easy to pigeon hole people by hairstyles. Other than perhaps our African heritage, not sure what else we have in common- maybe a big heart. Yeah!
  • Give your hair a break from braids from time to time. Pulling it too much in the same style can cause breakage, too.
  • Shampoo, even if it is dry shampoo, if braids are worn for a short period of time.
  • And do moisturise, key to managing any and every kind of hairstyle.

Oh yes, how to get the style. In some cultures, such as mine, people learn to braid when they are young. My sister did, even if she doesn’t braid professionally. Others check out YouTube videos to learn.  Thankfully, however, there are professionals out there such as the one who styled my hair. My best advice is to opt for the latter if you can for the best experience.

Speaking of: the best comment from friends and family and acquaintances I heard repeatedly—the style makes you look younger. No wonder braids have been all the rage throughout history. There is something youthful about them. But here is the thing teen girls, you are youthful, with or without braids. Keep wearing them well.