Month: July 2018

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What’s New?

Though school is at last out for most on this side of the pond, it is about to resume for some on the other side. Regardless, you might do with a few tips on online well-being, whether it is to make sure you are doing exciting and interesting things to keep you brain ticking over the heated summer or it is to find a happy medium between your social life, school and family. Our latest podcast is a must listen to over and over again.

Podcasts are like that—keepers like good friends, full of tips, encouragement and so on. That’s why we are kicking off a new podcast season come September, delving into some hot topics and offering lots of need to know info, such as tips on Rising Above Odds.

Whether the odds are stacked against you in academics, athletics, or your social life, you can win. More on that next week as we talk a little bit more about that particular podcast. Also, on the schedule is the huge topic of Identity. Having a strong sense of identity is crucial to high self-esteem and entwined with values. Still, identity can be ever so confusing. Tell you something new, right?  Unfortunately, it is what it is but we can shed a huge spotlight on the illusive subject.

And that’s not all. We will also feature a podcast on Dating this term. Big topic, if I must say so myself. Stay tuned for more on the new series and also announcements of our upcoming guests, all very special ladies who know more than a thing or two about the subjects they’ll be talking to with us about.

Meanwhile, don’t forget that there is still time for you to get your questions in about the new topics or any topics for that matter. Write to me from the UIO podcast page, Send Me Your Questions and get your concerns aired. To listen subscribe via our RSS feed and stay tuned to UIO as we cover topics about you inside out.

 

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It’s Personal: To Share or Not to Share

Online Reputation Matters

Having friends online to share the good, the bad and the indifferent news has its pros and cons. The best part, if you ask me, is being connected to other people, having like-minded people to celebrate with or even to commiserate with during times of needs. Admittedly, however, I am not that comfortable with commiserating publicly, although it works a jewel for some people. I tend to send direct messages if for some reason I am unable to pick up the phone and call or see someone face-to-face. For me the going public with grief  somehow strips away the walls of privacy I need to come to terms with the matter.

Managing feelings when something sad or tragic happens is complicated unto itself without adding the worry of having an audience. I sort of freeze up if you will and can’t process what I am feeling in the first little while and have found it futile to try to express anything sensible to share on or off line.

A few years ago when my sister called me and told me my father had been rushed to a prestigious hospital in Atlanta with very little promise, I reverted to childhood—stopped eating, talking, walking, doing anything. Paul had to call the airline, book a ticket, pack my suitcase and coax me to get up and get ready to get on that flight.

And when my mother died, I didn’t make a public announcement and didn’t want public condolences and to be sure I didn’t get them, I said a quiet word to a friend or two and presto my wishes were respected. Honestly, I felt no judgements there nor have I dished them out on the flipside. For friends and family who are comfy with grieving publicly, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s a personal preference.

Still according to Nicola Morgan, guest on UIO: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, hearing sad stories repeatedly, which we do online, whether they are in the news, are our own, or in the newsfeeds of our friends, can drive us down a bit. As human beings, we naturally sympathise and empathise with each other and take on each other’s sorrows. I know I do. And when the going gets tough, my mood swings downward, which not only impacts me but also those around me. Ask Paul!

Taking a tip from Nicola, I try to manage my intake of sad news, which is not always possible if it is happening directly. In that case, like people whose job involves dealing with sad stories all the time, such as therapists, clinicians, people working in war zones, I might consider a talking therapy of some kind.

But where I can control how much sad news I take in, I make an effort, as I did in the days of old before the internet. Then it was the television and the newspapers. I switched off or didn’t read, as simple as that.  Of course, it made me a poor conversationalist at parties and so on but I was perhaps the happiest person there. Never mind being ignorant.

So whether you are happy to share sad news online or not or you tend to sponge it up, how to cope with it, manage it, applies to us all, young, old or in between. But as Nicola points out, sad news can have a bigger impact on the mood, emotional health of a more vulnerable person. And certainly when I was grieving the loss of my mom, I was in the vulnerable group and likely still am.

Anyhow, here are my top tips:

  • For every sad news story, read an uplifting one. And in the time of grief, remember the good times.
  • Offer private messages to friends and family when at all possible. There is something about a private moment that matters deeply. Recently I had the occasion to be there in person for some bereaved family friends that I grew up with and reconnecting offline did us all a world of good.
  • And if you do share your sad news stories, don’t spend oodles of time focusing on the negative, pluck out the positives where possible.
  • And finally, avoid checking to see who has responded and how many people have responded. It’s not a measure of how much people care. That’s personal.

But so is the preference for whether to mourn and grieve online or not. In any case, what matters most is that you protect your mental and emotional health. And that is truly personal. Take care!

 

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Making A Lifestyle Change

At the mention of the word diet, trying to lose weight springs to mind, not to mention depriving oneself of favourite, yummy foods. No wonder a stress quake rolls over the body causing both physical and psychological upset.

Honestly, however, it doesn’t have to be that way. Of course, people diet to lose weight rightly or wrongly, but people also adopt different diets to maintain their health. Some of them are necessary such as special renal diets for people with Chronic Kidney disease, for example.

But you don’t have to have a chronic condition to adopt a healthy diet. All you need to do is to change your lifestyle. This approach cuts out unhealthy dieting, jumping in and out of fads, and yo yo dieting, which takes a toll on the mind and the body.

Still, what does a lifestyle change really mean? In short, it doesn’t mean dieting, but rather adopting a diet that serves you. Sigh, right? When I was a teenager, I might have paused too at such advice. I was not that in to vegetables. And I avoided them like the plague. Being as thin as I was, I concluded that I was healthy enough and ate whatever I jolly well pleased when I was in control. Thankfully my mother was in control at least 80% of the time.

But when she wasn’t such as after cheerleader practice or on a field trip or during or after a game, I piled up on the fast food and so on. So what if an ice cream cone made my stomach hurt or a bag crisps (potato chips) spiked my sugar, putting me in a bad mood, not to mention some of the damage caused by fizzy drinks. But you couldn’t tell me I was not healthy because the thing about being unhealthy versus being ill is that the former has a way of creeping into the norms. You get used to it and only overtime does it become something more–illness.

So how do you snap out of it, adopt a healthy diet for you?

  • Choose foods that serve your body with or without a chronic condition and stick with them. That’s food that taste good and is good! Not everybody can eat everything. For example, I don’t do much diary nor do I do any gluten.  But even if you don’t have any allergies and intolerances, healthy eating is still important.
    • And have I got news for you, according to Judit Ressinka, guest of Episode 2: Your Body Inside Out, it is all about the ingredients, using real, whole food from the four food groups. For on the go, tasty pizzas and burgers just go for the real deal, real meat and whole food ingredients—organic if at all possible.
  • Focus on what you can eat, not as much on what you can’t eat. You’ll be pleasantly surprised. 
  • Learn to prepare and cook simple and easy meals so they are available after school and so on.
  • Choose wisely if fast food is the only option.
  • Drink plenty of water and get those veggies in and fruit, too. I see their benefits now.
  • And by all means, whatever you do, eat! Starvation has no place in a healthy lifestyle.

Adopting such an approach has made a huge difference in my life. Hardly ever will you find me dieting to lose weight. Admittedly, I have been there and done that and didn’t need to. But these days it is about getting the best possible fuel for my body most of the time.  And if I fall off the rails every now and then which inevitably I do, no need to search for a special diet. I already have one. I just need to revert to my chosen lifestyle.

So girls, about your diet…. What does it really mean? In short, a happier, healthier lifestyle now and in the future.

 

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It’s A Start: Finding A Happy Medium

Lots of talk about how we are all spending too much time on social media, our smart devices and so on. Without a doubt, this talk has credence, but Nicola Morgan, guest on our latest podcast: Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out turns the talk on its head.

The point that she makes is that if we spend enough time doing the things that serve us both mentally and physically—sleeping, reading, daydreaming, checking out culture near and far and so on—then we would have less time to squander on social media, on our phones. And we just might find a happy medium and enjoy our devices without a slew of negative consequences.

Let’s face it we are obsessed. Talking from experience, however, obsessions can be managed. For some time now I have been signing off an hour and a half before bedtime, early on it was two hours, and am not only reaping the benefit of getting more sleep, I am also learning to draw again. But before I reclaimed that winding down time, there was no time for drawing or for anything else for that matter.

So far, I’ve produced a drawing of my husband that actually resembles him just a little. Next up is a self-portrait.  My father-in-law would be so proud, having left me to inherit any and everything drawing.

Well before he died, he did a handsome watercolour of each of the two properties we owned during his lifetime.  Six years later, we have owned two more. Sounds like a challenge to me? We’ll see if I am up for it. In the meantime, it is quite satisfying pursuing an activity that I rather enjoy.

Admittedly, signing off well before going to bed has not been easy. I still haven’t switched off the phone completely and stashed it in another room. Bear with; I am working on it. I have reached ‘do not disturb’ and ‘silent mode’ and hidden it in a corner.

In the meantime, I thought I’d bring the idea of ‘spending more time doing what serves us individually and collectively’ home literally. So, on Independence Day after observing smart phones draped around the room and how hugely significant they have become in one family, I thought I’d intervene ever so sneakily.  So, when someone would pick hers up or his for that matter at a ping or sometimes just because, I would find a way of reengaging them, pointing out that they were distracted. Such questions were asked: Are you a part of this conversation? Are you in the game or out? We’re eating now! Can you look at your phone later?

Of course, I shared Nicola’s top tips about device and online management: 1) Switch off and put out of sight 1.5 hours before bedtime, 2) Put away at mealtimes, even a coffee with a friend, 3) Ban during a conversation.

It’s a hard sell, one of my grown-up nieces admitted. “I’ll start with thirty minutes and work up to the ninety,’ she said, as her 12-year-old stepson giggled in the back ground in disbelief.

As for me, I think she is on to something. You have to start somewhere. The key is to start! I am so glad I did. Watch this space for that self-portrait. You never know—might even get to the latest two properties. The key is to focus on doing things that serve you both mentally and physically and less on how to kick the habit of things that don’t. And before you know, you just might find a happy medium.

Check out Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out with Nicola Morgan and also what she had to say about participating in the podcast. It’s a start.