Tag: nicola morgan

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Breaking Bad Smartphone Habits

Where would we be without our phones—the smart one that is? So many people have abandoned landlines and can’t imagine life without a smartphone. Not only is it a phone, but it’s also just about everything else you want it to be—a camera, an internet provider, an entertainment center and all the rest.

Honestly, I am as excited as the next person, though the thought of ditching my landline is a step too far. It’s my reliable device when all else fails. But I, too, am hooked on my smartphone and can’t leave home with it.

In my obsession with it, I have picked up a few bad habits along the way that are more trouble than they’re worth and can be quite relationship and health undermining, as well. You, too? I’m not surprised, so have dedicated this blog and a vlog (coming next week) to breaking bad phone habits such as:

Looking at your phone while in the company of another person
Using your phone during a meal or just having it on the table
Playing with your phone during class, a meeting, or a club
Sleeping with your phone or at least with it nearby so it is the first thing you see in morning and the last thing at night and sometimes in the middle of the night

What’s the problem, you might ask? These are norms nowadays! Everybody knows that. Well, I have to tell you, these habitual norms are not only rude, isolating, distracting and dismissive of others, they are also irritating, aggravating and sleep depriving. They have to go for the sake of effective communications, good emotional and mental wellbeing, and healthy relationships.

So how do we break these bad phone habits? I’ll come to that, but first let me tell you what doesn’t work permanently– exerting will power, analysing or guilting your way out the habits.

According to neuroscientists, habits are well, habitual, so you can’t will yourself out of them, think your way out, but it is possible to feel your way out of them through awareness. But first you have to notice the habit, experience it with awareness repeatedly, assess whether it serves you, is it still rewarding? Has it ever been? And finally when you and your brain experience the habit as unrewarding, you can break it.

Very straight forward isn’t it, but it takes focus and consistency to undo any habit that the brain has set to auto pilot. For example, I was an addictive cola drinker, especially in my 20s in New York City. Every morning, I had a certain cola and a cinnamon and raisin bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. I know. Yuck! No amount of telling me how unhealthy this was mattered. I knew it was a caffeine and sugar trap and all the rest and I could not stop until I experienced its undermining of my health repeatedly.

After years of doing this on auto pilot, I began to notice that every time I had a cola, I had palpitations. And the more aware I became, the more I saw that my habit was not rewarding. Pretty soon, I dropped all colas like they were hot coals and do not like them to this day.

Now about that smartphone, is it serving you or are you serving it at the expense of your sleep, emotional wellbeing, relationships and so on? How do you feel when someone else uses their phone in your company? How do you feel when you play with your phone on the down low? Is there a widening a gap between you and friends and family when the phone is all you can pay attention to? Are you losing sleep, feeling isolated, disconnected and all the rest?

In any case, turn the spotlight on the real time experience and feel the results of your behaviour in real time. You just might become fed up. I am getting there and wishing you Godspeed as you go forth to nail your bad smartphone habits.

For more hot tips on phone etiquette, check out Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out with Nicola Morgan and keep watching this space for my vlog next on the same subject.

Oh and yes, check out our short quiz on bad phone habits. Launch from the button below.

In the meantime, take care of you inside out and remember it is you I owe.




				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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All You Need Is A Healthy Balance: That’s All

                				
									  

			

			
									
											
				
				
  
      

      
    
 
    
  				
			

		  

							
								
				  

					
Summer often gets us thinking about our bodies, mainly how we look and how we feel as we prepare for sweltering holidays and outdoor sporting activities. It’s all about body image but let’s face it: sometimes body talk, including self-talk, can be quite negative from one extreme to the other.


While lots of progress has been made about body size and shape and the thin is in movement doesn’t have as much of a hold on society as it once did, the embrace excess fat (sometimes to the degree of obesity) movement, in the name of body positivity, is gaining steam.


Make no mistake about it, I am all for embracing your body, thunder thighs, love handles and all. I do mine, even if begrudgingly. The truth is, we are all genetically different, but we are all physiological beings. And to stay healthy, we need to take care of our body. We only have one.  That’s all.


Easier said than done, right!  I should know as I still find it challenging to get it right all the time, but what I have learned over the years about taking care of me is first of all, not to believe the hype on either extreme. Next, it is a fact that obsessing does more harm than good, and finally getting it right all the time is impossible.


They key is to finding a healthy balance that works for you but realising that there are some key elements that we each have to consider in making the best well-being choices:


—Food and Drink! We need it to live, no arguments there.  But it is only one part of the story, albeit a big part. To this end, several UIO podcast guests talk about the importance of getting the best diet for you—particularly during the teen years.  In Your Body Inside Out, personal trainer Judit Ressinka offers endless advice on making lifestyle changes that will serve you now and later.


She advises against gimmicks and yo yo dieting and talks about the importance of taking care of your body for the purpose of living life now to the fullest while setting up for the best possible future, too.


Although there is something to be said about the avocado, for example, its healthy benefits and all, Judit points out much to my relief that there is nothing wrong with a good burger or a slice of pizza either, as long as they have the right ingredients. That is key—all ingredients aren’t equal.  And every food is not for everybody.  Find out what serves you and enjoy it.


–Next up is Movement.  We need it as well, but movement is not as transparent as food and drink.  Personal trainer Laura Miles, guest in Your Body Image Inside Out, says that even when negative body image doesn’t manifest itself through eating habits, it tends to crop up in a number of other ways, such as negative self-talk and lethargy.


As such, Laura, who was an obese teenager, says that there is a big difference in truly embracing your body and accepting unhealthiness. In a recent conversation with her, she reiterated the importance of keeping a healthy balance including diet and exercise and just moving around, as well as getting the right amount of sleep, which leads to a third key element for taking care of your body. 


–Of course, Sleep is something we know we need, even if we don’t get enough.  I don’t know about you but I am always talking about catching up on my sleep but according to some experts sleep is not something you can catch up on, rather it is something that you manage as best as you can from day-to-day for a number of reasons. 


The key one, according to Nicola Morgan, guest in Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out is that sleep informs our health. In short, the brain needs sleep to function.


So, eating according to your health, keeping it moving and managing your z’s will keep you feeling truly body positive whatever shape or size. No need for believing the hype, obsessing to your own detriment or trying to be picture perfect.  Just be healthy. That’s all!

				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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Best Use of Your Device For A Good Holiday

                				
									  

			

			
									
											
				
				
  
      

      
    
 
    
  				
			

		  

							
								
				  

					
Everybody needs a holiday from time to time and no better time to heed that message than when there is an official public holiday, like today, this Fourth of July holiday in the US. Celebrating independence is a wonderful thing to do and America does it well with family cook outs and fireworks all over the place.


This got me thinking about holidays without cell phones. I remember plenty, though it is not a memory that you will have, teen girls, and you probably can’t even imagine, right?


Bear with and think about it—the benefits you could have.


Nicola Morgan, guest on our podcast: Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out says that if we spend enough time doing the things that serve us both mentally and physically—spending time with family and friends, reading, daydreaming, sleeping, checking out culture near and far and so on—then we would have less time to squander on social media, on our phones.


What a great idea for a holiday. Imagine keeping it in the family, local! I must be joking, right? After all, you might be reading this blog on your phone. So, an entire day off the phone might be more than a reasonable request, however, what about stashing it away in a room or in your handbag, which is stashed away in a room, during the barbecue, the fireworks.


This small act could do wonders for your brain. I know; I have tried it. Never mind the great photos and selfies you could get on your smartphone.  Ask one of the adults in your family for a good ole camera! They will have one somewhere.


Last Fourth of July I was actually in the US and noticed smartphones draped around the room, at the table, everywhere, and in between bites and conversation, people glancing at theirs. That’s when I suggested heeding two of Nicola’s top tips. 1) Put away your phone at mealtimes, even a coffee with a friend, 2) Ban during conversations. Don’t even glance. Gulp!  And the third is switch off and put out of sight 1.5 hours before bedtime.  This is the tip that has served me really well over the last couple of years.


Anyhow, back to the first two tips, not so easy said my niece, Nikki, who uses her phone for everything and she is not even a teen girl, but she did pledge to give it a go, start putting the phone away for thirty minutes at a time. So, mon cherie (I am in France this holiday) how is it going?


As for me, I continue to make progress. Can’t say I have had an entire day without my beloved phone. After all it is my camera but it stays in my sac a main (handbag) or wherever it is during meals and conversations, except for when I need to take a photo of the cuisine. And if I am honest with myself, these tips have served me really well and those around me, too.


It’s all about striking the right balance and getting a much deserved holiday. For more tips on online wellbeing, listen to our special episode on our website, iTunes or where ever you listen to podcasts. Stay tuned!

				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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Accessing Your Power Toolkit In the Eye Of A Storm

                				
									  

			

			
									
											
				
				
  
      

      
    
 
    
  				
			

		  

							
								
				  

					
If I could magically make all hurricanes, cyclones, tropical storms, tsunamis disappear, I would do so instantly, and I am sure I’m not the only one. With an onslaught of activity pre-season and during season, I am feeling a bit frazzled to be honest.


Last night as Hurricane Michael battered the very city where my father and all of my sisters and most of my nieces and nephews reside as well as many relatives, I felt anxiety get its grip on me. Having been in touch with my father via FaceTime until the lights went out literally, I quickly gave into the dreaded anxiety.


But instead of remembering that it all starts with a menacing thought, I just kept on thinking and second guessing whether my family would be safe or not, whether Albany, Georgia, would even be a city by morning. Thankfully I only focused on one city, though you might say this was selfish thinking, when so many lives were and still are at risk. But let’s face it, I am only human, and it was this focus that kept me from a complete melt down. Imagine if I had thought the Florida panhandle, Southwest Georgia and so on would be totally ruined, how my night might have gone. It could have been worse.


Make no mistake about it, it was bad. After a bit of frustration with the delayed progress of CNN and The National Weather Channel, I happened upon the local television station—WALB. Viola! At last I received consistent communications and interestingly my thoughts begin to calm down. It was in this instance that I, from the outside, could see how bad the storm, if you will, actually was and could then send my family, who are held up in secure areas of their houses, text messages telling them that though the Hurricane was still dangerous, it had gone from category four to three and then to two.


And when I got a few pings back, I had a big sigh of relief but not quite big enough. But it was enough relief to access my power tools for abating anxiety, which was well on its way to panic. The first tool for me happens to be prayer and it works a jewel but to be able to pray peacefully and mindfully, I have to do a bit of practical preparation, which leads to the second tool—shutting down my devices. How very practical.


You might remember in Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out that guest Nicola Morgan suggests signing off at least one hour and thirty minutes before going to bed even in the best times. And here I was in the worst of time, glued to WALB on my iPad. It was nearly 2 a.m.


So, I sent the last text to Daddy and sibs and off the devices went but admittedly, I did stash them nearby instead of in another room as advised. Then I commenced to prepare my mind. In our latest podcast, Rising Above Odds, Hannilee Fish talks about the importance of mindfulness, staying in the moment. So tactfully and gently I reminded myself that I was in London, England, in my bed and not in Albany, Ga, and none of these horrible things that I feared had actually happened.


And only then did I remember a hot tip from Eleanor Segall, our guest, from our second podcast, On Undiagnosed Mental Illness—talk to someone, don’t keep the stress bottled up. I looked over at Paul, who seemed asleep and decided against talking to him, so I talked to God. Good idea and found myself being grateful for the strength to support my family during a stormy time and the actual mental and physical capacity to take care of myself. Off to sleep I went if only for a couple of hours.


As I reflect upon the episodic night, I am so grateful to the women of UIO for sharing their experiences, the good and the bad. What a wonderful tool box to go to in the time of need. So glad I had it not only at my finger-tips but in my thoughts, too.


And the biggest lesson I learned had to do with managing me when I had no control of managing Hurricane Michael, precisely the tip from Cat Williams, guest of our next podcast coming up in late October, On Dating Inside Out. Author of Stay Calm and Content No Matter What Life Throws At You, Cat knows a thing or two about keeping cool in the eye of a storm, okay so I wasn’t in the eye, but it sure felt like it. Stay tuned!

				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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New Podcast Released on Rising Above Odds

                				
									  

			

			
									
											
				
				
  
      

      
    
 
    
  				
			

		  

							
								
				  

					
As we launch the third podcast in our new series, Rising Above Odds, more research on matters related to young people has topped the news. Loneliness is felt more intensely by 16 to 24-year olds than any other group in the UK, according to a survey by BBC Radio 4’s All In The Mind in conjunction with the Wellcome Trust. 


Rising Above Odds is timely indeed, offering tips on how to deal with any seemingly insurmountable situation. Loneliness, with the onslaught of emptiness that it brings, tends to cause feelings of hopelessness and despair. 


The good news is that these feelings can be managed. Still, respondents who had more friends on Facebook, for example, than real life friends felt the forlornness more than others. Not surprisingly, this theme is consistent with the high use of social media but as pointed out in Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, there is a healthy and happy medium for engaging in social media, including making new real friends. It’s not so much about spending too much time on social media as it is about spending too little time doing other things that matter such as reading, daydreaming, exercising and so on, according to our guest for the episode Nicola Morgan. The mind really does care about how we spend our time. 


In addition, this week’s guest Hannilee Fish points out that every single person is valuable and worthy and suggests engaging in sports and practicing mindfulness to overcome any difficult situation.  For more insight, listen on Itunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, Soundcloud or Spotify or simply add a feedreader and subscribe to our rss feed to get UIO podcasts automatically. 


Coming up in mid-October is On Dating Inside Out with Cat Williams, founder of Stay Calm and Content No Matter What Life Throws At You. Stay Tuned! 

				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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It’s Personal: To Share or Not to Share

                				
									  

			

			
									
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Having friends online to share the good, the bad and the indifferent news has its pros and cons. The best part, if you ask me, is being connected to other people, having like-minded people to celebrate with or even to commiserate with during times of needs. Admittedly, however, I am not that comfortable with commiserating publicly, although it works a jewel for some people. I tend to send direct messages if for some reason I am unable to pick up the phone and call or see someone face-to-face. For me the going public with grief  somehow strips away the walls of privacy I need to come to terms with the matter.


Managing feelings when something sad or tragic happens is complicated unto itself without adding the worry of having an audience. I sort of freeze up if you will and can’t process what I am feeling in the first little while and have found it futile to try to express anything sensible to share on or off line.


A few years ago when my sister called me and told me my father had been rushed to a prestigious hospital in Atlanta with very little promise, I reverted to childhood—stopped eating, talking, walking, doing anything. Paul had to call the airline, book a ticket, pack my suitcase and coax me to get up and get ready to get on that flight.


And when my mother died, I didn’t make a public announcement and didn’t want public condolences and to be sure I didn’t get them, I said a quiet word to a friend or two and presto my wishes were respected. Honestly, I felt no judgements there nor have I dished them out on the flipside. For friends and family who are comfy with grieving publicly, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s a personal preference.


Still according to Nicola Morgan, guest on UIO: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, hearing sad stories repeatedly, which we do online, whether they are in the news, are our own, or in the newsfeeds of our friends, can drive us down a bit. As human beings, we naturally sympathise and empathise with each other and take on each other’s sorrows. I know I do. And when the going gets tough, my mood swings downward, which not only impacts me but also those around me. Ask Paul!


Taking a tip from Nicola, I try to manage my intake of sad news, which is not always possible if it is happening directly. In that case, like people whose job involves dealing with sad stories all the time, such as therapists, clinicians, people working in war zones, I might consider a talking therapy of some kind.


But where I can control how much sad news I take in, I make an effort, as I did in the days of old before the internet. Then it was the television and the newspapers. I switched off or didn’t read, as simple as that.  Of course, it made me a poor conversationalist at parties and so on but I was perhaps the happiest person there. Never mind being ignorant.


So whether you are happy to share sad news online or not or you tend to sponge it up, how to cope with it, manage it, applies to us all, young, old or in between. But as Nicola points out, sad news can have a bigger impact on the mood, emotional health of a more vulnerable person. And certainly when I was grieving the loss of my mom, I was in the vulnerable group and likely still am.


Anyhow, here are my top tips:


    

  • For every sad news story, read an uplifting one. And in the time of grief, remember the good times.
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  • Offer private messages to friends and family when at all possible. There is something about a private moment that matters deeply. Recently I had the occasion to be there in person for some bereaved family friends that I grew up with and reconnecting offline did us all a world of good.
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  • And if you do share your sad news stories, don’t spend oodles of time focusing on the negative, pluck out the positives where possible.
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  • And finally, avoid checking to see who has responded and how many people have responded. It’s not a measure of how much people care. That’s personal.
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But so is the preference for whether to mourn and grieve online or not. In any case, what matters most is that you protect your mental and emotional health. And that is truly personal. Take care!


 

				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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It’s A Start: Finding A Happy Medium

                				
									  

			

			
									
											
				
				
  
      

      
    
 
    
  				
			

		  

							
								
				  

					
Lots of talk about how we are all spending too much time on social media, our smart devices and so on. Without a doubt, this talk has credence, but Nicola Morgan, guest on our latest podcast: Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out turns the talk on its head.


The point that she makes is that if we spend enough time doing the things that serve us both mentally and physically—sleeping, reading, daydreaming, checking out culture near and far and so on—then we would have less time to squander on social media, on our phones. And we just might find a happy medium and enjoy our devices without a slew of negative consequences.


Let’s face it we are obsessed. Talking from experience, however, obsessions can be managed. For some time now I have been signing off an hour and a half before bedtime, early on it was two hours, and am not only reaping the benefit of getting more sleep, I am also learning to draw again. But before I reclaimed that winding down time, there was no time for drawing or for anything else for that matter.


So far, I’ve produced a drawing of my husband that actually resembles him just a little. Next up is a self-portrait.  My father-in-law would be so proud, having left me to inherit any and everything drawing.


Well before he died, he did a handsome watercolour of each of the two properties we owned during his lifetime.  Six years later, we have owned two more. Sounds like a challenge to me? We’ll see if I am up for it. In the meantime, it is quite satisfying pursuing an activity that I rather enjoy.


Admittedly, signing off well before going to bed has not been easy. I still haven’t switched off the phone completely and stashed it in another room. Bear with; I am working on it. I have reached ‘do not disturb’ and ‘silent mode’ and hidden it in a corner.


In the meantime, I thought I’d bring the idea of ‘spending more time doing what serves us individually and collectively’ home literally. So, on Independence Day after observing smart phones draped around the room and how hugely significant they have become in one family, I thought I’d intervene ever so sneakily.  So, when someone would pick hers up or his for that matter at a ping or sometimes just because, I would find a way of reengaging them, pointing out that they were distracted. Such questions were asked: Are you a part of this conversation? Are you in the game or out? We’re eating now! Can you look at your phone later?


Of course, I shared Nicola’s top tips about device and online management: 1) Switch off and put out of sight 1.5 hours before bedtime, 2) Put away at mealtimes, even a coffee with a friend, 3) Ban during a conversation.


It’s a hard sell, one of my grown-up nieces admitted. “I’ll start with thirty minutes and work up to the ninety,’ she said, as her 12-year-old stepson giggled in the back ground in disbelief.


As for me, I think she is on to something. You have to start somewhere. The key is to start! I am so glad I did. Watch this space for that self-portrait. You never know—might even get to the latest two properties. The key is to focus on doing things that serve you both mentally and physically and less on how to kick the habit of things that don’t. And before you know, you just might find a happy medium.


Check out Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out with Nicola Morgan and also what she had to say about participating in the podcast. It’s a start.


 


 

				  

				  
				
            

        

		        

			
            


				

    

	
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Your Online Wellbeing

                				
									  

			

			
									
											
				
				
  
      

      
    
 
    
  				
			

		  

							
								
				  

					
One of the things that I love about blogging in this space is the opportunity to look down memory lane and offer some insight based on my own experiences.  Not this week, since the topic of the hour was unheard of when I was a teenage girl, though most of us cannot imagine life without it. Yes, you guessed it—we’re talking our beloved electronic devices and connecting to the internet with them.


Big topic for teenage girls, right? Of course. it is, but according to Nicola Morgan, expert on the adolescent brain, the topic is as crucially important for adults as it is teenagers. In our special summer edition podcast, Episode 12: Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out, Nicola tells us why we are so captivated by our devices and what compels us to stay online all the time, okay most of the time.  Also, she offers more insight on the subject in her latest book, The Teenage Guide to Life Online.


Admittedly, I have been a big proponent of confiscating phones and devices from teens particularly before bedtime without reference to what using the phone and being online obsessively might be doing to my own sleep, my own concentration, my life.


A few months ago, however, my nutritionist suggested that I put the phone away at least 1.5 hours before going to bed and I upped the stakes to two hours and have been reaping benefits since, at least when I manage to comply. But here is the thing, the penny still didn’t drop that I have been practicing double standards, as have many adults, until my conversation with Nicola.


In short, Nicola suggests that adults practice what we preach and offers three top tips about device and online management: 1) Switch off and put out of sight 1.5 hours before bedtime, 2) Put away at mealtimes, even a coffee with a friend, 3) Ban during a conversations. Don’t even glance. Gulp!


Now is the time for my confession. Last summer when my niece Jana, my now 15, visited London, the smart phone was indeed a point of contention. It and it only could cause the type of disturbance that could ruin Jana’s holiday to my mind. So, when she was walking around London clutching it, I cajoled and prodded, ‘put the phone away and check out this and that and so on’.


And at dinner, no phones were allowed at the table, not Jana’s anyhow, and at night, the phone was removed from her presence, ensuring a good night’s sleep for all, well for me anyhow. At least one night, separation anxiety caused such an upheaval that, my darling niece was up rather early asking if she could have her phone back.


Meanwhile, I was ever so determined to save her from it while all the time obsessively checking my own messages late at night and justifying occasional use at the dinner table or during a conversation. Worse yet, I probably caused a few second-hand disruptions, using my phone when she and my nephew had put theirs away with a view to concentrate on London.


I think this is the biggie for many adults. After all, we have to check work messages, take a phone call, do important things, right. Wrong answer, says Nicola Morgan.


For the rest of the story, Listen to Your Online Wellbeing Inside Out on iTunes, Soundcloud, TuneIn,  Stitcher and other listening apps. Meanwhile, sounds like a much needed opportunity to bridge a gap between the generations.  Jana, I am waiting at the half way mark, phone well out of sight. See you on the bridge.